Back to life

My last post that did not involve copy and paste was Feb 27, with the news of D's wedding announcement. I'm a new woman now. I enrolled to complete a practitioner-level training in NLP and as much as I didnt think I could, I emerged a somewhat new person. What I feel on a more consistent basis is that I'm whole now. Not broken any more.

I'm talking to D again on a regular basis. He'll be moving to Singapore soon and settle down. First on the books would be him getting clients for his coaching practice. This may include Malaysia also, as he's not confining his base to just Singapore. Once he's got his kit together, he and his girlfriend will set wedding dates.

I really recommend NLP as a tool to have a deeper understanding of why we do the things we do. The cool thing is this - NLP study of modeling helps to identify what works in what we do - to explain the 'magic' behind intuition and gut feel that guides the us when we are at best at what we do. This then assists us to replicate this model of success and once replicated, we can achieve success every time. Want more information? Just swing by Navigo NLP Center and talk to my buddy Carsten, the principal consultant.

In the meantime, for old times' sake, here's me and D, at the Munich airport, Oct 2006.

Forecast or self-fulfilling prophecy?

Birth Date: April 9, 1972

**

*Year* Water Rat
*Month* Water Rabbit
*Day* Metal Horse

*Introduction*

Your Year of the Fire Pig Forecast is divided into two parts. The first explains what you can expect from this year as a whole. It includes insights that apply to everyone, as well as what this year holds for you and your particular year sign.

The second part is your personalized month-to-month one-year forecast, which features your very own favorability rating for each month. This rating allows you to instantly see how good each particular month is likely to be for you. It highlights the major influences affecting you each month and includes suggested do's and don'ts.

**

*Part One*

This part is subdivided into two sections. It begins by describing the nature of a Fire Pig year, that is, what everyone can expect from it. This is followed by an outline of how you personally are likely to fare overall, especially in four specific areas: career, relationships, health and wealth.

*Year of the Fire Pig*

Forget everything you know about the easygoing, laid-back, roll-in-the-mud Pig. This is the year of the Fire Pig, and there will be fireworks aplenty. It should be a feel-good year loaded with excitement.

Water is the Pig's fixed element. In Chinese astrology, Water plus Fire equals disaster. Also, the fifth month of the Chinese calendar is the month of the Fire Horse. This will be a time of daring accomplishments and serious calamities.

The Fire Pig is nevertheless a Pig, and we need to remember what that means for us. The Pig is the 12th and last sign of the Chinese zodiac. We have come to the end of the cycle, and it's time to celebrate our accomplishments. Yes, it's party time! Be good to yourself this year; you've earned it. Family reunions, extended vacations and a spa membership are in order.

Like last year's sign, the Dog, the Pig calls us to focus on family. Now we need to concentrate more on relationships. It's a Fire year, a year filled with passion. What a great time to begin a new romance or take an existing one to a new level -- a vacation in Paris or Bali might be just the thing. When is the last time you shared a hot tub with your sweetheart? Make it a priority this year.

The West has its fat cats, and Chinese astrology has its fat pigs. We're talking money! Yes, this is a year to make more than a little, so be alert for opportunities.

It may seem incongruous to link the Pig with scholars, but the association is there; and it's a positive one, due in part to the fact that the Pig's fixed element is Water. This could thus be a very good year for those in academia.

Although Pig is the last year in the 12-year cycle, it is only the 24th in the larger, 60-year cycle. At this point it should be emphasized that 2007 is a Fire year. This is not a year for the faint of heart. On the positive side, Fire provides each of us the energy we need to initiate action, regardless of whether or not immediate attention is required. It is not a time to sit on the sidelines.

Fire and Pig together call us to work on vigorously attacking existing projects and completing them. It is not a particularly favorable time to conceive of and begin new ventures. With the clash of Fire and Water, now is not the time to take a lot of risk. Use the energy of positive Fire to raise your work level to a high intensity, but avoid the foolhardiness associated with negative Fire, and your business interests will prosper.

Since this is a Fire year, those people born in an Earth year will generally fare better than others of their animal sign, while those born in a Metal year are likely to do worse than those born in Wood, Fire, Earth and Water years.

Health issues vary not only by sign but by individual. Your best bet is to visit a Chinese doctor to have your balances checked and get some advice for the coming year. It is a Fire year, so one thing we can say in general is to be on the lookout for signs of stress and a tendency to overextend one's self.

2007 will be an exciting year. We will experience passion and crises on and off throughout the year. The Pig is a go-with-the-flow type. If you follow the Pig's example by enjoying life's pleasures and heating up your relationships, this will be a very memorable year indeed.

Wedding daze

Remember D, the one that got away? He's getting married soon. He just told me that a few minutes ago.

Ouch.

Addicted to Blogthings?

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Experimenting

You're all about looking at the facts, and you could always use more of them. You see life as your lab - and you're always trying out new things, people, and ideas. The master of mix and match, you're always coming up with unique combinations. You are good at getting a group to reach consensus.

What's Your Thinking Style?

The mix and match bit could possily refer to my wardrobe though....

Now isn't this interesting? *LOL*

Your Kissing Technique Is: Perfect

Your kissing technique is amazing - and you know it. You have the confidence to make the first move. And you always seem to know what kissing style is going to work best. Sometimes you're passionate, sometimes you're a tease. And you're always amazing!

Are You a Good Kisser?

Interesting how much theoritical knowledge can benefit you! *giggles*

What color is Pine Green?

Your Birthdate: April 9

You are a born idealist, with more pet causes than you can count. You prefer be around others, both when working and while relaxing. Generous and giving, you believe you can change the world one person at a time. You're open minded and tolerant. People feel like they can tell you anything. Your strength: Your go-with-the-flow flexibility Your weakness: Your flair for the over dramatic Your power color: Pine green Your power symbol: Circle Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Canopy Walk is closed for CNY...

Before going home, OC wanted to check out the Forest Research Institute of MY (FRIM). I'm not much of a nature girl, but I thought - why not - the guy's going to go home to cold Hambug winter before the end of week! So we set off to FRIM not-so bright and early - about 11:00 am, but we managed to get ourselves there in good time. He really wanted to check out the Canopy Walk, but unfortunately, we saw a big sign that stated that the Walk would be closed for CNY. Since we were already there, we thought might as well we take a walk around anyway.

I parked the car near the lane that leads towards the canopy walk trail, and we both set off. His goal was to go to the canopy walk anyway, and see what else is up there. My goal was to get the hell out of there so that I could go home and relax or go to the gym for a workout and probably enjoy a steam bath after! *LOL* Alas - one long soulful look from those big sea-green eyes and I ended up saying "OK, OK, OK - let's go lah..."

The canopy walk is at about 300m above sea level. It was constructed in 1992 with the aid of one of my former employers, actually, the German Agency for Technical Cooperation (GTZ). The walkway system spans about 200m and is suspended between trees at about 30m above ground.

I'm not kidding you when I say the trail to the walkway is uphill, steep and physically very demanding. Walking time, one way, is about 45 mins, depending on the route chosen and level of fitness. The average time taken for the round trip is 2 hours. I felt the temperature getting cooler as we got higher, but I must have sweated buckets all the way up! I was really glad we both chose appropriate attire (I made the trek downhill in bare feet half of the way though, because the ground was a bit wet from the earlier rain and it got rather slippery) We took off our shirts a bit higher uphill to wipe ourselves down! (Personal note: Thank God for the invention of the sports bra. Or else, no shirt-taking-off moment for me). The lovely flora and fauna are not just seen from the canopy bridge system, mind you - we saw many wonderful plants on the trek uphill too. There was a fern-like plant whose leaves were almost blue in colour, and the lovely mushrooms! OC took many photos as we walked uphill. And the lovely moss-covered rocks and the cool mountain streams; tiny trickles of water so clear and so cool to the touch.

It felt good when we got up there though. There was a small hut there and the door to the canopy bridge was locked, no surprises there. We sat down and just enjoyed the environment in silence. I begin to understand now why mountain-climbing is associated with achieving one's goals and overcoming one's challenges to succeed to the top. It was just a small hill we climbed, last Tuesday, but already we felt the struggle. We didnt expect the uphill climb would be *that* steep. I didnt expect my heart rate would rise so fast in such a short time. I knew that if I told OC straight up that I didnt feel too good, he'd take my arm, turn around and abandon the walk. But there was just something else there - the feeling that was beyond the normal thought of 'let's go lah - we're already here anyway'. It was more of a 'we need to get to the top and see if we can do it, and see what on earth is up there!' kind of thought. We talked about this while we were relaxing near the bridge, and we both agreed that it was just something that needed to be done, one step at a time. Just like the rest of our journey in life, I suppose - one step at a time.

As for OC, it's 'Stesen berikutnya, Hamburg.' He flew home on Thursday night.

Somehow KL is a little bit different without him...lah.

Zen and the art of Star Wars :-)

No, this is not a review of the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance :-) I do have that book and I have read it, though. I love it and it's something worth going back to repeatedly. One thing for sure, at least for me, that I had more fun reading this than reading Dan Brown's Digital Fortress.

Spent a few days in the east coast with my family and aside from catching up with my reading, I also managed to watch a few of my favorite movies. One of them is Star Wars Ep V: the Empire Strikes Back. Here is one of my favorite moments:

[Luke's ship sinks into the mud]
Luke: We'll never get it out now!
Yoda: So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
Luke: All right, I'll give it a try.
Yoda: No. Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.
Luke: You ask for the impossible. [Starts to walk away in frustration]

[Using the Force, Yoda effortlessly frees the X-Wing from the bog]
Luke: I don't...I don't believe it.
Yoda: That is why you fail.

Lessons learned:
Not only it's important to work hard on achieving what we want, we also need to believe in what we want.

Which means:
First things first - we need to really know what we want, right?

This is one question that many of us just dont ask ourselves. Or maybe we do ask ourselves, but a lot of times, we dont dare to give an honest answer. In many cases, there is one recurring theme: a lot of us feel that we dont deserve all the good things that we want, that we are asking for. Therefore, we dont put in a lot of effort to figure out what we really want in life.

Well here's an interesting theory. Try this one on for size. Ask for what you want. You deserve it. Believe in it. Let go of the things that make you unhappy, things that do not put you in a state of happiness and joy. Look into yourself and decide what you want. Decide what you want to do. Decide the kind of person you want to become. Then do it. Dont try. There is no 'try'. Just do, or do not. And believe that your purpose in life is what you make of it.

Ashita noh kioku - pt 2

What a lovely day. I spoke to a wonderful person who I'm fortunate to know. It's been many many months, but I figured, why not - I've got nothing to lose - and made the call. K. Ruby is as warm as I remember her, and here's something intriguing that she posted in her blog. Why intriguing? 'Cos she's never preachy! :-)

Ashita noh kioku

OC is going home to Hamburg Thursday night. I'll be in the east coast then so I wont be able to see him off at the airport. It's the Canopy Walk in FRIM in an hour - if it's not open we'd go visit the Tugu Negara - one of my favorite places ever.

When I asked him what would be his ashita-noh kioku (memories of tomorrow), he listed down a few:

1. times spent with Ben (ya Ben's awesome, thats why we're great friends)
2. us cooking green curry together
3. our trip to Malacca together with C

And he'll forever remember us when he looks at the black and white Gary Quah print that I got for him. A snapshot of the KL Tower from a window, much like the view he got from his office.

Dirk, Nadine and Julia are enjoying themselves in Sabah. Eh - I just realised that the tent Dirk bought could fit all 3 of them comfortably. Wah - then Dirk will be in a great sandwich every night lah! Wow. Way to go, dude!

My friends - who'll always be part of my memories of tomorrow :-)

Project: tsubo niwa - site analysis

How the site looks like now:

Soon to be dining area, looking out to balcony

Balcony view from sliding door area

The space does have potential! :-)

Project: tsubo niwa - the beginning

First things first: before putting anything down on paper.

I did my initial research on different garden styles and the goal of using each design. I only have a small area i.e. my balcony. I liked what I saw in discussions on small courtyard gardens and I decided to have a Japanese influence to my own small oasis of calm. I found out that deciding what I want to do with/in my garden influences a lot on the type of garden I will create. Usually, a small courtyard garden is admired by the household, not really a space to sit in or walk in, due to its small size. The concept of Japanese-style gardens is based on the idea that a garden mimics nature. Remember the bonzai plants? Carefully pruned bonzai plants resemble the shapes of larger trees. These plants mimic them; are miniatures of larger trees. In designing my garden, I need to consider elements that work together in an asymmetrical balance and unity.

Since my tsubo niwa is mainly for me to view and use to contemplate nature, I will need additional space to sit. I decided to use a portion of my living room that is the dining area, and expand it to include a couple of cushions near the sliding doors opening to the balcony. I have a small coffee table that can work in this setting, and to me this works somewhat similarly to the idea of an infinity pool - creating a swimming pool that looks out to the ocean; as if the pool goes out until the horizon, as far as the eyes can see.

Keeping in mind that the journey is as healing as the end-result, I started off with measuring the area I have.

First things first: measure, measure, measure.

I created a 1:10 scale drawing of the area I'm working with. The image posted below is stretched a little to ease viewing.

Next steps for me to consider would be to decide on the enclosure and the design of my dry-type garden. I'll need to take into account future maintenance of any plants, security and safety features, and comfort i.e. if I plant tall bamboos to shield my garden from neighbours' views, will these be places for mosquitoes to breed - and other related stuff.

I also now have a deadline. This 'shake-leg' period will end on March 14. I start work at my new job on March 15 - if not earlier, if I can make it.

Project balcony: Tsubo Niwa

I am going to build my own courtyard garden, Tsubo Niwa, on my balcony. I've started my research on the concept of a Japanese-style garden. Project: Tsubo Niwa officially begins today.

Second Spring

I finally did it. As advised, I handed in my one-month notice. Taking into consideration my prorated annual leave days, my last day to be in the office is this Friday, Feb 9. My last day as a salaried employee would be Wed, Feb 28.

What a ride. Surreal on some occasions, but a huge roller-coaster ride, nevertheless.

Wow.

Normal can be blissful too

Normal days are good days too.

I've begun to look forward to weekends, starting from a month or two ago. Saturday was interesting, started off with me shaking off the nightmare I had had the night before. Spent the morning watching a little bit of tv before going off to the gym to join a couple of classes. Came back in the early evening totally exhausted! Had a good night's sleep from 9:30 pm till 2:30 am, when I woke up hungry. Made myself a tomato and cucumber sandwich and watched half an hour of TV before returning to bed.

Woke up this morning feeling almost normal - back to my usual self. Bought 2 newspapers and devoured them with breakfast. The short drive home after breakfast took me to a landscaping contractor a stone's throw from my apartment. I decided to stop there. I loved the place! Bought a bag of tiny grey river stones and promised myself to return to get other stuff for my Japanese tea garden balcony project.

I was feeling pretty good with myself then and decided to venture on to join a gym class near PJ town. Had a great workout, and I really needed the endorphins. Rang my brother and invited myself over for lunch with his family in Rawang. Bought some yummy fruits over as souvenirs (I'm glad they loved what I got them), enjoyed a yummy home-cooked lunch and played with my 2 cute nieces for a couple of hours before heading home. Stopped by a cafe not far from home and met up with a friend for a quick chat.

Earlier this evening I heard from OC - he's back from Tioman island 'with a tan, long hair and a beard' which meant he was nursing a red face and did not shave for 3 days LOL. I decided to accept his invite and went over to his place for dinner. We walked from Villa Puteri to this chinese restaurant and had kangkung belacan, kailan in oyster sauce, singapore fried beehon and on top of those OC had his sweet & sour pork. I couldnt believe they spent 4 hours in the ferry to Tioman island because of the turbulent waves. I feel bad for the people who felt sick - I forgot to ask him if there were many families with children on the boat. We couldnt finish the noodles but we certainly polished off all the veggies (and OC had all of the pork) Everything was yummy (as yummy as OC looked unshaven) and the walk back helped digest the food. He walked me to my car, wished me a safe drive home, and reminded me that we're going out for dinner again soon, sometime this week.

So after this, it's a quick warm shower and a good night sleep for me. has it been a lovely weekend? You betcha. :-)

Sleep is poison

I had the dream again last night.

It's dark, probably night time. A young woman with long straight black hair is hanging from a lamp post by a lonely roadside. No one is about. I ask myself - was this the work of a lynch mob? Did she commit suicide? I dont know. I cant see her face because her hair covers it. I'm watching from many angles; sometimes I'm standing on the ground, looking up as she sways very lightly in the evening breeze. Sometimes I'm approaching her from an angle in the sky, where I see her bent head first and the knots forming the noose around her neck. Sometimes it's a silent nightmare. Sometimes, after a few moments of silence, I will hear a scream. When I hear it, I will know that someone is very afraid. And then I will feel very helpless, because I can hear someone is in trouble but I cant find her - I cant help her.

No matter how different the bad dream is, it will always end the same way. I'd move closer and see the woman's face. The breeze will lift her hair and reveal her face. I will then see that the face is mine. The dead eyes will be open, looking right back at me.

Now whenever I close my eyes I will see her. I even see her as I write these words. I never knew nightmares can occur even when youre awake. I wish I could sleep with my eyes open so that I will never see her again.

Love me, love my shoes

A good friend of mine dropped by here and emailed me from Jakarta, asking if my real name was not 'Marcos' :-) , responding to my earlier email where I told him a girl can't have too many pairs of shoes. Interestingly, he pointed out that 'at least they are neat and orderly' and had wondered if they were just made neat for the photo shoot. Well, this may be nightmare-inducing knowledge, but for those who are looking for new ideas to lengthen the life-span of their shoes and not keeping things neat just for visitors, here's what I can share:

1. I keep a wooden shoe rack outside the main entrance. Here are all my flip-flops and shoes that my friends and family can use when they want to go to the swimming pool. The rationale behind this is: if you can afford to lose them, they can be left outside


2. The mat outside the main entrance is not meant to hide the house keys. That's where we wipe our feet before coming into the house (assuming shoes are removed only after entering the house)


3. I keep a chair near the front door so that no one steps into my living room with their shoes on. They sit down in that chair and remove their shoes, pretty please. In Real Simple: The Organized Home, Kendell Cronstrom wrote about the foyer, described as something that 'might seem like little more than a hallway with a front door attached, but in some ways it's the most important space in your home'. I agree with Cronstrom's suggestion that a pleasant foyer will let visitors and family know how much you care about your home - and them. I dont have a cooridored hallway that looks like a more designated foyer area. However, inspiration came in the form of a 3-panel bamboo screen from Ikea. Using it creates direction yet maintains the open-plan style of my living area. I leave my shoes there overnight (or more, in the case of my gym shoes) to air them before I transfer them to my shoe rack in the walk-in.

Airing the shoes keep them fresh and shoe-trees help keep shoes in shape. I've got my favorite cobbler who resoles and reheels my shoes when needed. More?

1. Brush/wipe off dirt from shoes immediately. Unless you have a butler/valet who does this things for you, get used to it.
2. Once a week, run a feather duster over your shoes (you have to run it over your bookshelves anyway)
3. Find a good personal rythm (monthly, once in 3 months) take your 'shoe collection temperature'. Give em a polish. Polish not only makes them look good, they also repel water. Not everyone can afford to go 'singing in the rain' and throw away their shoes after.

OK Paul - NOW you can call me Imelda.

Home Org - ideas and reference

MM made an interesting point about her hubby giving up on her handbag collection :-) I had a problem managing my bags too, for the longest time. Then, in 2003, I discovered Cash Converters - I was a member of the gym upstairs, and I'd always pop by the store to check the stuff out. Not only they sell stuff (their tagline is 'Why buy new when slightly used will do?') they also buy stuff. I've sold many bags to cash converters. Sure, it's not an option to make money, but a little bit of cash is so much better than none, and it helps clear space.

Another resource for me in tackling wardrobe organization is a book by Trinny Woodall and Savannah Constantine, What You Wear Can Change Your Life. It helps me to understand that it's more important to develop my own personal style, rather than follow the fashion trends for the sake of being current. It tackles the fundamentals: your body shape, coloring, lifestyle, bone structure. Stresses on the importance of good upholstery i.e. shape-flattering undergarments, before moving on to type of clothes that work and dont, accessories (bags, shoes that work with the shapes of my calves and ankles, and jewellery). It lightly touches makeup and skincare. The chapter on culling started my research on organizing my stuff and creating my walk-in wardrobe.

Project Wardrobe: Before

Project Wardrobe: After

I also have their other book, What Not to Wear Pt 2: For Every Occasion. This one provides examples of items that can work or not, based on the occasion you need to attend i.e. winter wedding, job interview (new), job interview (re-entering the workforce), summer wedding, beach vacation etc. I like it for the ideas it gives me when I'm packing for a trip. The second book's ok, but I value the first one more.

As for home orgnaization, I love open spaces so I keep on thinking of ways to reduce clutter. Our family home in the east coast is the classic example of a hoarder's heaven. My mum just cannot part with any of her stuff. We moved from the old government quarters house to the new government quarters block in 1980, and from there we moved in 1993 to the house my parents bought not far from the center of Kuala Terengganu town. I see that we still have pots and pans from 1979 (and the cupboard that they were in then) in our current backyard!

Just thinking about that makes me want to create a serene Japanese tea garden on my tiny balcony... I can see it now: 'Project Balcony'....

Before and after: Bag storage idea

Notes on Project Closet :-)

Before: clutter and no proper storage for my bags, jeans and bedlinen.

After: Sorted. The empty top shelf is space for bedlinen.

Homesickness cure

Whenever I travel and I get a wee bit homesick for my family, I call them. When I miss my coccoon of personal space, I look at photos of my favorite corners of my apartment and instantly feel soothed.

My shoes! To the left is my corkboard where I store my earrings and stuff

One side of my walk-in. My little slice of heaven on earth... *sigh*

A corner of my living room dedicated to me and my punching bag. I hug it first when I come in after a long day, and it's where I practice my punches and kicks when I need to work off some steam. I wish it has arms so that I can get hugged back sometimes.

It's been a long time coming, but I really am happy with how things turn out. I finally dont feel too empty, lethargic and ill after coming home from my business trips. I've also started feeling the extra value of my weekends and I look forward to coming home after work.

Before this, my bed was out in the living room, along with my working desk, armchair and bedside tables. It felt more stark than any no-star no-moon hotel room. Maybe that was how I cushioned myself to make work traveling more tolerable. Sure, the 5- and 4-star hotels are lovely. Being the program manager, I always am given the higher end rooms, the club floors, the executive harborview rooms etc. In fact, the Kowloon Shangri-La one that I was in during the Hong Kong workshop in 2004 was half the size of my apartment. The bathroom alone was bigger than my bedroom! I didnt dare talk to anyone about how disconcerted I felt. To my ears even, I sounded ungrateful. I didnt dare to have my friends tell me that they'd give anything to have a job like mine. I sound like I'm whining if I tell them how lonely it gets. How I need to be on top of things all the time and it's not ethical for me to just take off during the day and plan a trip to Lantau Island to see the big Buddha statue. How wandering alone by myself was just not doing it for me. And how calling up friends or colleagues in a foreign city just doesnt work for me anymore because I feel uneasy having them feel that they need to plan some weekend agenda for me since I was in the country.

The last 2 weeks of 2006 was spent on vacation from work. I rearranged my furniture, got rid of a ot of clutter, put a rug in the living room with throw cushions, added a table lamp or two, and claimed my own personal space again. I dont need that much stuff, it turned out. No added furniture. No clutter. What I have is enough.

Yeah - things are not too bad at all :-)