Saudade, Vol 2

Based on A. F. G. Bell's book 'In Portugal', 1912 , one might make a strong analogy with nostalgia as a feeling one has for a loved one who has died and saudade as a feeling one has for a loved one who has disappeared or is simply currently absent. Like someone you love who went out for a walk along the beach and never came back; you long for every approaching shadow to prelude his or her return, I suppose.

Here's the idea that sparked my exploration into the difference and/or integration of nostalgia and saudade:

"From the beginning he'd consumed liquor only to get drunk. That was half of the equation. The other was the haunting sense that something fundamental to his happiness, his wholeness, been taken from him. When sober, he couldn't name it." [He remembers a trip to Lisbon with his first wife who is a fashion designer.] "...her buyer there...had taken the Parkers out for a night of fados. Fate songs. ... He asked the buyer what the lyrics meant, and the man explained , 'Saudade, my friend...the presence of absence.' "

SOURCE: "Cry Dance" (Kirk Mitchell)

Several days ago, a friend left a comment on this image on my flickr stream that said 'this is a powerful image'. I was curious to what that means - powerful in what way? To me, this image strikes at my core. I still feel like I'm been punched in the center of my chest whenever I look at this photo. But, almost like a glutton for punishment, I return to it repeatedly. Rather like getting injured in kickboxing practice to feel the external aches that match the agony of the internal lacerations.

This image describes the presence of absence that is inside my heart; the moment just before a tear breaks away from my eyelashes and drops onto my cheek; my memories of conflicts caused by past decisions that were taken purely out of urgent necessity.

I'm beginning to realize that this image does not only represents anguish, it also represents hope and growth.

Growth? Like roots to the trees, providing a base and nourishing nutrients: I'm reminded that I am responsible to continue living and learning. My own snapshot of the priceless value of BEING the change that I want to see in the world.

Hope? Like looking forward to the brilliant blue sky that will take over once the rain clouds are gone: perhaps the same being that feels and even inflicts pain (no matter how unintentional) can also brighten up and create joy in their own little corner of the world.

It's about how much we all need to continue fighting the good fight. We all need to be who we are (even if we're described as not soft-spoken and demure), be aware of who we want to be (maybe NOT demure *LOL*) and balance the exploration of these two paths in order to get the best combination of traits that'll help us on the journey to be a good human being.

It's about soldiering on, no matter how tough things may seem, and how bleak the situation looks. It's a reminder to me, first and foremost. It's about aiming for something and going for it, while at the same time accepting the idea that if it's not yours, it could be because someone else needs it more, or you're destined for something else; having faith that every step takes you closer to where you want to (and need to) go.

To me, that's what this image is all about. What does it mean to you?

*the photo's on my flickr stream, http://flickr.com/photos/fazk

Mixed feelings about yoga? WHAT mixed feelings?

Mixed feelings on yoga

- by Lester Kong

PETALING JAYA: Not only Muslims have reservations on practising yoga, some Christian groups also have mixed feelings about it due to its ties to Hinduism. While some Christian groups say it was wrong to practise yoga as it belonged to a different religion, others say they saw nothing wrong as long as the participants do not deviate from their beliefs.The Malaysian Council of Churches general secretary, Rev Dr Herman Shastri, said different churches hold different opinions on the practice of yoga.

“In modern society, many young people are interested in health and well-being of mind and body.“Some churches said it belonged to a different religion so Christians should not do it,” he said, adding that many churches held spiritual retreats that were opened to non-believers, featuring meditation to alleviate stress and help people seek spiritual comfort.Another source said the issue was problematic as the council did not have a uniform stance on it.He said other church groups consider yoga to be a healthy exercise if done only for physical reasons.“But generally, for Christians, if they do not offer prayers to other Gods while practising yoga, I think it should be fine,” he said.

Malaysia Hindu Sangam president Datuk A. Vaithilingam said yoga had long been an accepted form of exercise in many countries regardless of religion and culture.“Yoga practitioners can just leave out the religion and do the exercise. It‘s entirely up to the individual,” he said, adding that there were no restrictions that yoga practitioners had to be Hindus.

The Malaysian Muslim Solidarity Movement also said there was nothing wrong with Muslims practising yoga as an exercise.“It is just an exercise for health and brings peace of mind. Nothing more than that. It has never been averse to the Islamic faith,” said its president Datuk Zulkifli Mohamad, adding that there were no objections on yoga by ulamas around the world.“This new fatwa is not healthy and yoga is a very subjective and debatable issue,” Zulkifli added.

Yoga is a form of exercise called Asana and was one of the most ancient physical and mental disciplines originating from India some 5,000 years ago. The Islamic Development Department had said on Wednesday that the National Fatwa Council is expected to make a ruling to ban Muslims from practising yoga.

Read the article from The Star Online http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/10/31/nation/2418579&sec=nation

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Well, I never.

The benefits of yoga and pilates are many. Just check out abc-of-yoga article here for a simple list. Physiological benefits include improvements in dexterity skills, sleep, muscle tone, balance and posture. I also feel good after a good yoga class. It can help to imrove one's mood, increase one's awareness of self and surroundings. When you're feeling at peace with yourself and the world, it's a bit tough to walk around with a scowl on your face and anger in your belly. Trust me.

So what do we have now? A potential ban for muslims to practice yoga? WTF. Are our guideline committees so free and have nothing major or more impactful to look into that they're resorting to touching everything?

I'm feeling rather rattled by this news, not so much of the announcement per se, but by the potential direction this vehicle is going. Am I looking at a picture of the tail wagging the dog here? What are they trying to distract us from?

In the meantime, it's still a free country, and I will still go to my yoga class. Maybe the council members should look into their own faith in the holistic view of THEIR own organized religion first instead of going around like headless turkeys, gobbling away. Is their own faith so flimsy that a simple yoga class will make them 'walk to the dark side'?

Hm.

How to go beyond 'Customer is always right'?

A friend of mine just quit her job. She was working in the consulting field like me also, and I know from mutual friends that she has been doing a good job at making her clients happy with all the deliverables she was responsible for. What I remember most from the last time we met were two things: one, the deepening furrow in the middle of her forehead that had not been there before. Two, her frustration with her clients’ demands. The poor thing would go on and on, ending every vignette with a resigned sigh, “what to do, the customer is always right,” in her soft, sing-song voice.

Naomi Karten, author of books on managing SLAs (service level agreements), managing expectations and closing communication gaps, mentioned a list that made sense to me in her article, What do Customers Want Anyway? on her website. When she asked participants to her seminars, they told her that when they are customers, they want:

1 to be taken seriously
2 competent, efficient service
3 anticipation of their needs
4 to be kept informed
5 explanations on their terms
6 follow-through
7 basic courtesies
8 honesty
9 to be informed of the options
10 feedback
11 not to be passed around
12 professional services
13 to be listened to (and heard)
14 empathy
15 dedicated attention
16 respect
17 knowledgeable help
18 friendliness

Read the full article at http://www.nkarten.com/mce.html#WHAT to find out more. I visit her website because after so many hours of Newsweek-, John Naisbitt-, Fortune-style of reporting, it’s a relief for me to read things in simple terms (remember list item #5?).

For many of us, we put on our own ‘I’m a customer now’ hat in order to feel for our customers and get in their shoes. My friend took it to the extreme! Wearing her ‘customer is always right’ cape, she let her clients’ issues and constraints limit her own thoughts and ideas. She contradicted herself; went against her own values. In the end, she got too overwhelmed and frustrated when things never moved the way they should have.

She asked me how I got through MY days. I told her that I quit the ‘customer is always right’ maxim a couple of years back. There are just times when all the thinking and feeling hats in the world will not help me get into the shoes of come of the characters I talk to. Honestly. No friggin’ way. When wearing that blasted hat didn’t work for me anymore, I decided to kill the frustration by looking at the situation from new eyes. I realised that whenever I decided to do the best I could with what I had, and do my best to go the extra mile when I could, a heavy load rolled off my shoulders. So I started going with that outlook more consciously. Things started to change. We started to understand each other better. I see my customers as more collaborative; they see ME as more collaborative. This view also influenced how I treat my colleagues and bosses, because they are all part of my work. The most important thing for me is, this point of view influences my behaviour in the way that I don’t have to tell my clients or my bosses that I have their best interests at heart. I don’t need to say it when I already behave it.

It worked for me – maybe it can work for some other people too. Try it – replace ‘the customer is always right’ with ‘I’ll do the best I can with what I have, and I’ll do my best to go the extra mile’. Think it now. Picture that in your mind now take note if your body feels any different. You’ve got to mean it though. Really mean it. And then, go back to the list of the 18 things customers say they want. If you’re more open and relaxed about those items, you’re off to a good start.

Good luck!

Clamping Queen (Kasi clamp sama dia)

You can park, you can try, having the steal of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the clamping queen

Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for a bay to poach
When the guards are not looking, got your drive-thru card
You'd think you've got a great start

Any bay could contain your car
Night is young, looks all right so far
With a bit of stupidity, everything looks fine -
"Maybe the owner's out for the night,"
You think you've got a chance!

But she is the clamping queen, young and strict, only thirty-six
Clamping queen, hear the beat from the clamp machine, oh yeah...
You can park, you can try, having the steal of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the clamping queen

You'd think that you've got it made
Park your car and go on your date
Not leaving your number on your windowscreen
You've got to be insane
And when she's home you'll see...

That she is the clamping queen, young and sweet, only thirty-six
Clamping queen, see her chums, the security - oh yeah -
You can park, you can try, having the steal of your life
Ooh - pay that fee, watch that grin, dig in the clamping queen...

OK, ok - I surrender :-)

Last year, I wrote a post on how I thought TV advertisements were overloading on the 'tug-the-heartstrings' elements. I truly felt disenchanted and too cynical about it all. Sentimentality overload, surely. This year, the clip on how Aiman Gyver grew up into a respectful young man who brought back a power bike for his dad made me feel differently about Merdeka adverts.

I am reminded of these lessons from watching the video: innovation rules, for sure. At the same time, a culture of hard work and gentle reminders in bringing up children keeps our feet on the ground while we're reaching for the stars (didn't Casey Kasem end every American Top 40 weekly episode with that phrase?). This culture helps to nurture brilliant youngsters who'll grow up to be creative inventors and successful professionals who are still humble and practice good manners.

So, I now surrender myself to the heartwarming effects of the campaign video :-)

Oh Charlie!

I was feeling dreary. It's so sunny outside I had to bite my own fist to stop myself from getting into the car and running AWOL to enjoy a bit of lie-down by the condo pool. Then a good friend, Johnny, suggested I go read some Charlie Brooker.

"Thank God for dishonesty. I can't have been the only Briton to shift awkwardly in their seat throughout the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympic games the other week. The Chinese mounted an unprecedented spectacle. Thousands of synchronised drummers, acrobats, fireworks, impossible floating rings made of electric dust (surely alien technology, that), dancers, prancers, singers and flingers. Maybe not flingers. I just threw that in to complete the rhyme. But you get the picture. It was amazing. It cost around £50m and was probably rehearsed at the shooty end of a machine gun. Dance, beloved populace! Miss three steps and we take out your kneecaps. Miss five and we go for the head. Dance till your homeland is the envy of the world! Stop weeping and dance!"

Read the full article here: Thanks to China, we have a blueprint for 2012 - virtual athletes and exciting made-up CGI sports.

I am now both enlightened AND entertained. Thanks Jay!

Do judge a bookstore by its services

Today marks the 3rd month anniversary of the special order that I made for Coelho's Eleven Minutes, from a certain bookstore that boasts its extensive collection, store size and its quality, with plans 'to take the book industry to greater heights.'

Hmph. Greater heights, konon.

Funny there is no mention about any commitment to offering help to customers. The only time the word 'service' appeared was in the franchiser company name.

That probably should have been my warning flag. A bookseller who appears to pay no attention to customer service sounds like an owner of an orchard who boasts about how large the land is and how the fertilizers he uses will take fruit orchards to the next level and fails to mention that he has no fruit trees planted there.

OK maybe I exaggerate. And digress.

Living next to the said bookstore provided me with the ample opportunity to make frequent visits there. In one of my visits 2 weeks ago I found out that my book has left the ship and arrived at the warehouse (somewhere is Port Klang I reckon, and not in Poughkeepsie, NY). Last week I asked the people in charge of special orders about the status of my book. Here's the reply:

"I don't know, miss. I have to check with the Ingram (as I heard it, and I found out later this entity is their warehouse) on the status of your book. I don't know about this because this was from the person before me" (who has quit already, apparently - maybe went to join the ingram)

I received a call from this person a day later. Here's what she told me:

"I checked with the Ingram, and they don't know what happened to your book. They lost it. All the other orders on the same day also gone."

Now that's interesting. It sounds to me like someone carried a bunch of books tied up in string from a ship down into the warehouse and told someone in the building, "hey, dude - I'm just gonna put this bunch of stuff here on the floor OK?" and left, walked off into the smoggy afternoon. The blinking 'Ingram' didn't know what happened to my book and the other books from the May 16 order batch.

I asked: "Did the book arrive or not?"
Answer: "I don't know Miss"
I asked: "What happened to the manifest? Someone signed for the cargo when it arrived, right?"
Answer: "I don't know, Miss. That's not our responsibility"

MISTAKE NUMBER ONE. IT IS YOUR BLEEDIN' RESPONSIBILITY. LIVE WITH IT.

I asked: "What do I do now? I want my book. What options do you have for me?"
Answer: "Do you want your money back, Miss?"

MISTAKE NUMBER TWO. This may seem like a logical answer to give; however, take note that this particular customer kept on dropping by regularly at the Information counter to ask for the status of her special order since the 5th week of placing it. Would that be the act of a customer who doesn't care whether her order arrives? I reckon not, Bubba. IDEAL ANSWER: I'm sorry to see you upset, Miss. I understand how sad it is when something you're waiting for doesn't arrive on time. I can place a re-order right now, and I'm sure my supervisor will be able to help out with something to compensate you with.

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED -
I asked: Can you put in a re-order?
Answer: Yes.
I asked. Can you re-order right away?
Answer: I have to check with my supervisor first, Miss, cos right now he's busy with the sale at the concourse.
I asked: So you can't help me with this right away.
Answer: I can record if you want your money back.

I can't help it. I exploded.

"Do I look like someone who wants her money back or do I look like someone who wants her book and wants it NOW???"

Grrr grrr.

It's not about the bad news, Bubba. It's about HOW it was delivered. Let's go back to shooting the messenger. Maybe then we'll all care about how we deliver the news we need to deliver.

-Maybe King Leonidas had the right idea there, Bubba.

Image courtesy of '300' promotional photos

Raising the bar; an experience

Once upon a time, there was an all girls boarding school. Almost every girl (and their mothers) dreamed about completing their secondary school education there. It was the school for the creme-de-la-creme, they were told, and it would be such an honor to be an alum of that great institution.

It was 1988 when it happened. The announcement came as a shock to all the fair students there. A batch of girls would join the fourth formers. They were the best students from selected schools. Those 'form four barus' will make up 2 new classes. The 'form four lamas' were incensed. How could this be happening? What will happen to tradition? We waited 3 years, slogged through forms 1, 2 and 3 to become seniors in college and enjoy the privileges of being seniors, to be greeted with this abomination? What will happen to the quality of the thoroughbreds? When we design our sweaters to mark our arrival at the landmark year of Form 5, are we going to have 2 different designs to accommodate the form four barus? What's the purpose of bringing them in? Tradition will be ruined!

When the girls came in, the school organized a camping weekend on the college field (where else could we go anyway) to INTEGRATE the form four lamas and the form four barus. The form four lamas were more incensed! As the term went into full swing, the form four lamas were forced to eat humble pie. The form four barus gave a new definition to the word 'excellence' and 'all-rounder'. They easily made up the top 10% in all tests & term exams. Teachers loved them. Coaches wanted them in all the sports teams. Positions that many form four lamas thought they would inherit (club presidency, team captaincy) went to some of the form four barus. The juniors held many of them in high regard. They were considered role models.

It took a while, then the form four lamas realized that the situation was not going to change. They had better buck up or else they would forever stay at the level of mediocrity that they had mistakenly thought were their 'level best'. They made friends with the form four barus. They saw that the entry of their new friends helped to raise the bar. Standards got higher. As the weeks turned into months, the distinction of old and new was gone. The fourth formers worked together in inter-form drama competitions, inter-house dancing competitions, inter-school debates, sports and games, marching band practices and PPM debates. As the fourth formers became fifth formers, they integrated. They even bonded, somewhat. As they bid farewell to the college on their last days of the fifth form, they all felt sentimental and sad to to leave the venerable institution. They have learned to see the bigger picture; it was not about THEM - it was about THE COLLEGE.

Having learned what I had in those valuable 2 years of 1988-1989, I am sad to read of students protesting and handing over memorandums to force apologies out of the Selangor MB for announcing the possibility of opening up 10% of UiTM to non-Bumiputeras. Their bone of contention? Among others, it would deprive 10% of Bumiputera students of the opportunity to pursue higher education in UiTM. My goodness. Such flimsy arguments! Move on or stay mediocre.

Please.

My Nipah Bay alternative

It was Sunday afternoon. I was recovering from a flu bug. I was not cheered up at the prospect of a 2-hour LDF class in FF Menara Axis. I felt restless and rather oddly depressed, which was pretty rare for me. I had planned to be in Pangkor that weekend, but I canceled the plan due to the bug. After a quick consultation with Chris, we got in the car and started driving. We ended up in PD, and I had a lovely afternoon there.  

Sometimes, all you need to do is just get in the car and drive.

Nipah Bay, my new hometown

Provided by Pulau Pangkor.com 2004-2008

When one needs to recuperate, it's always best to do so in a relaxing place. For me, it's Pangkor Island. Not only I love the island, the journey itself is something to look forward to. Whether on the highway or the upgraded trunk road where we pass by Sekinchan, the rice bowl of Selangor, there's always something for us to see and enjoy. This time, I'll make sure to have my Telfast tablets on the ready, just in case my histamine levels decide to play 'polis sentry' and run out of whack. Chris & I will also grab our motorbike (AND helmets - yes, mum) at the jetty as soon as we arrive to eliminate the need for taxis. Since we've toured Lumut on our last Pangkor trip, we'll give Lumut a miss.

I'd like to visit the Dutch Fort this round. I'm not sure if I'm up to hike through the forest to get to the white sands of Segadas Bay. I'll keep quiet about it for the time being, lest Chris gets one of his brilliant 'let's go hiking' ideas.





I'd also like to check out another historical site: the Foo Lin Kong temple. I've always been a fan of
buildings and I must admit, the Bedrock-style entrance caught my eye. That and the miniature Great Wall of China that they've got there. I miss that part of Beijing since I am no longer traveling on a regular basis to that city. The temple's on the foot of Pangkor Hill on the village of Sungai Pinang Besar. This would be a cool thing to do before going back to Nipah Bay and walking along the beach stalls scouting for ice kacang & laksa utara.

After that, the best thing to do would be to walk along Pasir Bogak Beach and see how different the sunset looks, a few kilometers north of Nipah Bay. I'd recap the day with a relaxing supper at Daddy's Cafe back on Nipah Beach. I'll sip my tea, Chris his Tiger, while we both listen to the waves.

Parts, integrated? For sure.

2008: the year of mortality?

I just saw that I have 4 farewell posts for this year alone. I finally said farewell properly to my gram and I also wrote about the deaths of Chris's mum, Tan Sri Eric Chia and Prof Randy Pausch. I felt a little bit sad and I thought I'd ring my friend, Dr. Ng, to say hi. He was at his desk and we had a quick chat regarding our mixed feelings on 2008. He didn't sound too hot either; usually he'd be very happy to hear from me. One thing for sure though: he's still alive, and as per his reminder to me, so am I. The living must continue to live. That thought brought my first real smile to my face today. I must admit, waking up thinking that I NEED to be at my desk by 8:30am every weekday morning or else I have to sms the big boss does not make me jump out of bed in delight. I suppose I'm just not too happy with the fact that being at my desk at 8:30am does NOT guarantee that I leave at 6:00pm on the dot.

Wait a second - of course it does. With proper planning, I can make it happen. Now this is getting interesting.

I feel a bit more cheerful now. I'm not yet too thrilled about giving up my Friday to finish my work in the office. I used to have the option of working off site for Fridays. It was a different kind of freedom knowing that I had created that time-off option for myself for the last 6 months. In fact, my employer still owes me 2 Fridays. I'll send in my time sheets and plan for those days.

I'm dreaming of the seaside again. I'm going back to Bangkok next February, God-willing. Until I can plan a quick beach weekend, there's always Ramesh's beach birthday party in Attic this weekend, and there are always my flickr Pangkor photos and my post on the lovely weekend.

In the meantime, here are my toes in the sand. Nipah Bay, I will return.

Randy Pausch dies

-Randy Pausch Inspired Millions-

Randy Pausch, the professor at Carnegie Mellon University who inspired countless students in the classroom and others worldwide through his highly acclaimed last lecture, has died of complications from pancreatic cancer. He was 47.

Also a Carnegie Mellon alumnus, Pausch co-founded the Entertainment Technology Center and led researchers who created Alice, a revolutionary way to teach computer programming. He was widely respected in academic circles for a unique interdisciplinary approach, bringing together artists, dramatists and designers to break new ground by working in collaboration with computer scientists.

Outside the classroom, he gained public fame for delivering what would come to be known as "The Last Lecture." On Sept. 18, 2007, only a month after doctors told him that he had three-to-six months to live following a recurrence of pancreatic cancer, he presented a lecture called "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams" to a packed auditorium at Carnegie Mellon.

The moving and often humorous talk recounted his efforts to achieve such childhood dreams as becoming a professional football player, experiencing zero gravity and developing Disney World attractions. In the process, he shared his insights on finding the good in other people, working hard to overcome obstacles and living generously.

Read the rest of the article on Carnegie Mellon homepage stories HERE.


I have the book. I remember almost leaving it at the cashier counter when the staff there mentioned that her friend had told her 'people were saying it was like the new kind of The Secret," because I figured I didn't need another one of those 'attract it and it will come' manuals.

I got to reading it after a few weeks. The feeling was like sitting with your friend who had just being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and he's telling you all this stuff while you sit together on deck chairs, looking out to the sunset or sunrise or something like that. What I remember most is how he gave new life to the cliche 'running into the the brick wall. He said, "The brick walls are there for a reason. Right? The brick walls are not there to keep us out, the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough," Think about that. How many brick walls have we faced? What did we do when we run into one? How many times have WE become brick walls ourselves?

Right now, my heart aches. Not so much because of reading the sad news, but strangely enough, there's an ache in my chest when I realize that the deaths of people not related to me have moved me more than the loss of my own family members. I dare not imagine the reason why. In the meantime, I will finish reading the Last Lecture tonight. There's only a little bit more to go.

Goodbye, Dr. Pausch. May flights of angels sing you to your rest.

I kinda like Mondays...

Good routines are comforting. For me, after work on Mondays, I have a quick workout at the gym. After that, it's Bones on NTV7 and NCIS on 8TV. Love the Bones fansite. Click here to check it out. Both series offer me eye candy - David Boreanaz in Bones and Mark Harmon + Michael Weatherly in NCIS. If Special Agent Tony DiNozzo looks familiar to you, it's probably because you've seen him in James Cameron's Dark Angel, where Weatherly played Logan to Jessica Alba's main character

As for NCIS, check out the TV.com page here. It's got episode recaps, reviews and information on the cast too.

Good writing, interesting backstory about the characters that don't detract from the plot; I look forward to my Monday evenings.

What the.....?

Did my eyes trick me? I had to read and re-read the whole story to be sure.

Cops vs cops in Gemas station - Sarban Singh (The Star, Fri 11 July 2008)

GEMAS: A policeman has lodged a report against all his colleagues including his superiors allegedly over dissatisfaction on how the monthly bribes from those operating illegal activities was being distributed.

In retaliation, one of his superiors, a sergeant, lodged another police report against the policeman, a lance corporal, for allegedly selling station property to scrap dealers.

A source said the lance corporal, in his 40s, was dissatisfied with his superiors for allegedly taking the lion’s share of the bribes while the rank and file received very little.

“In fact, the complainant claimed that he did not get a sen,” the source said.

The report was lodged earlier this week.

The sergeant, in an apparent tit-for-tat, lodged another report against the lance corporal alleging that he had sold some old wooden and iron furniture from the police station to a dealer.

“His colleagues even know where the dealer is operating from,” the source said.

Read more here

I'm not sure which one is the more worrying thing - the fact that the cops are still taking bribes or that taking bribes is so embedded in the their culture that they use the system to lodge a report on the unfairness of how the monthly bribes were being distributed!

What will be reported next? Dissatisfaction of how "territories are being allocated" and how this "impacts the incoming flow of income from protection fees?"

Oh my goodness.

One man army down

Wednesday June 25, 2008

Eric Chia dies of heart attack

By V. CHANDRASEKARAN

SUNGAI PETANI: Former Perwaja Steel managing director Tan Sri Eric Chia Eng Hock died of a heart attack at his Park Avenue Hotel yesterday. He was 74.

A maid called for help after Chia failed to respond when she tried to wake him up at 9am.

The hotel's panel doctor confirmed that the tycoon had died of a heart attack.

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Read more from The Star http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/6/25/nation/21651121&sec=nation


I was in the middle of writing Module 2 when I saw this news online yesterday afternoon. In June 2007, he was acquitted in the KL Sessions Court of committing criminal breach of trust 14 years ago. I was struck by his statement when the acquittal was announced. He told the press that the vindication came too late. He had already lost his family and was estranged from his children because the shame of the court case.

When I was a junior in UUM, I was part of the educational trip planned by the Management Executive Club (MEC). One of our stops was Perwaja Steel in my hometown state of Terengganu. We aimed to see the Big Kahuna of course, but we had been told earlier that regretfully, he would not be able to join us due to schedule conflict. We were welcomed warmly by senior managers of Perwaja Steel, who briefed us on the company and on their work. When I asked those 2 gentlemen about their experience working with the Tan Sri, their faces took on a different expression, like someone talking about their favorite uncle. They told me how he not only cared about the employees, but also about their families. They told me about the housing complex, the working and living environment, and how he accepted everyone the way there are. Race difference? WHAT race difference? All work for the same company, nationals of the same country, yes? Yes.

Then came the surprise. The Big Kahuna arrived! The helicopter landed and he joined us. Were we awed? You bet your bottom Ringgit we were. I watched the senior managers' faces, plus a few junior managers that walked in to join the session - they all looked relaxed, pleased to see their big boss. Quite different from the look of a boot-licker, I had noted. He welcomed us warmly and ushered us to our tea and kuih. Some wisecracking senior from our team pointed out to the Tan Sri that we also had a Terengganu-an in our midst (that would be me, of course) and the Tan Sri asked me their names and what my parents did. I told him they worked in KT general hospital. He then joked that he needed medication for his sore throat. I replied, perhaps out of nervousness until I forgot to put a clamp on my mouth - "Just go look for my parents in the GH and tell them I sent you. They'll help you right away!" Yep - I was indeed amusing in my youth.

Privately, I had asked him for advice. What would work best for us when we jump into the dog-eat-dog world after graduation? He looked at me and told me this: "My dear, you need to care about the people who work with you and care about your work. Just care." Noticing how we could chat easily, the same wise-cracking senior labeled me "anak angkat Eric Chia" until long after we returned from that trip. I didn't mind.

Regardless of what he was accused of, I choose to remember the late Tan Sri Eric Chia's warm, booming laugh. A happy man who loved his work and cared about the people who worked with him.

Farewell, sir.

Are we ready for each other?

I never thought the honeymoon period would ever end.
I always thought that whatever happens, I'll be able to cope.
I always thought that I'd never need to even THINK of adjusting to any change,
because whatever the change may be, I'd be able to absorb it painlessly.

Was I wrong!

The announcement came and my ears and eyes are still ringing from it.

2.70 Malaysian Ringgit per liter. Even my SLK would feel that hit.

I'm ready for the public transport. I've always unconsciously placed myself in rather strategic locations to be able to choose that mode of transportation. I'd walk out of my apartment gate, hop on the feeder bus of choice, and go. Either to an LRT station, or to another stop along the bus' route. Or I'd park my SLK at the park n ride LRT station and hop on the train with my touch n go card forever at the ready.

However, is the public transport ready for me? And the possible influx of commuters that could show their faces from tomorrow onwards?

Will the park n ride car park bays be enough for us?
or will we be faced with the operators shaking their heads and hands, with no answers to our frustrated question of "WHERE DO I PARK THE FRIGGIN CAR, THEN??"

Will the feeder buses be in excellent running condition?
or will we spend a good portion of the ride waiting by the side of road, covered in dust and grime, next to a bus that has the engine flap up, listening to the driver tell us about the 'engine being from Germany and no one knows how to fix it'? That was their stock answer a few years ago, just replace 'German engine' with 'German gear box'. Has anyone peeked at any of the bus depots? Looks like a graveyard for dinosaurs, nestled amongst kelapa sawit trees.

Will the bus pilots be fresh n timely fed n watered?
or will we continue to spend a good part of the bus rides waiting in the bus while he trots off to tapau his breakfast / lunch/ dinner / supper? Ya I know they gotta eat too, so dont diss me with the indignant remarks of me being human-rights unfriendly.

I'm ready for the public transport system.

ARE THEY READY FOR ME???

They'd better be.

The living must continue to live

It's been rather a turbulent month-and-a half.

So many emotional roller-coaster rides. They were all my choices though. No one twisted my arm behind my back or knocked me on the head to make me acquiesce. I realize that now. That helps to put things in perspective.

I don't really feel comfortable about moaning a break-up in a relationship with a guy while a few thousand miles away, mothers mourn the deaths of their babies and children screamed in pain at loss of limbs, amputated without anesthesia, in order for doctors to save their young lives.

I'm blessed. And I still have hopes.

So I leave you with the words of Martin Luther, quoted by Martin Luther King, Jr. -

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces,

I would still plant my apple tree.”

Lupe Fiasco featuring Matt Santos - Superstar

The first time I heard Matthew Santos here, I thought I was listening to Ryan Tedder - it has a OneRepublic-ish groove about it. Which is very interesting, cos when I heard him on Shadows in a Shoebox and My Remedy, he sounded rather different. I enjoy Superstar though. Very much.

Feel like singing along? Here you go.

If you are what you say you are, a superstar
Then have no fear, the camera's here
And the microphones
And they wanna' know oh oh oh, yeah

Yeah, uh
A fresh cool young Lu'
Tryna' catch his microphone check 2, 1, 2
Wanna' believe my own hype but it's too untrue
The world brought me to my knees, what have you brung you?
Did you improve on the design? Did you do somethin' new?
Well ya' name ain't on the guest list, who brung you?
YOU! The more famous person you come through
And the sexy lady next to you, you come too
And then it hit me
Standin' outside of heaven waitin' for god to come and get me
I'm too uncouth
Unschooled to the rules and too gumshoe
Too much of a newcomer and too un-cool
Like Shadow and Lavelle, I battle wit' it well
Tho I need holiday like lady who sung "Blue"
Go back, whatever you did you undo
Heavy as heaven
The devil on me, two ton's too

If you are what you say you are, a superstar
Then have no fear, the camera's here
And the microphones
And they wanna' know oh oh oh oh, yeah

And ya' better wear ya' shades
The spotlights here can burn holes through the stage
Down to the basement pass the Indian graves
Where the dinosaurs laid
Then out through shinin', nearly miss the airliners
Magnified times five, 'less its pointed at the ryhmer
Ricochets off the moon and sets the forest ablaze
Now that's important to say
'Cause even with all that most of us don't want it to fade
We want it to braid, meaning we want it to grow
Meaning we want it to stay
Like the Governor called and he told him to wait
Un-strap him from the chair and put him back in his cage
The audience ain't fazed
And they ain't gon' clap and they ain't gon' praise
They want everything back that they've paid
'Cause they've been waitin' since ten to see the lights get dim

If you are what you say you are, a superstar
Then have no fear, the crowd is here
And the lights are on
And they wanna show oh oh oh, yeah

So chauffeur chauffeur come and take me away
'Cause I've been standin' in this line for like five whole days
Me and security ain't getting' along
And when I got to the front, they told me all of the tickets were gone
So just take me home where the mood is mellow
And the roses are grown, M&Ms are yellow
And the light bulbs around my mirror don't flicker
Everybody gets a nice autograph picture
One for you and one for your sister
Who had to work tonight but is an avid listener
Every song's her favorite song and mics don't feedback
All the reviewers say "You need to go and see that"
And everybody claps 'cause everybody is pleased
And then they all take the stage and start performin' for me
Like, ha ha ha ha ha, Ha ha ha ha ha.Ha

If you are what you say you are, a superstar
Then have no fear, the camera's here
And the microphones
And they wanna' know oh oh oh yeah

If you are...what you say you are
Then have no fear

Lesson, quoted

While reading about chess moves last night, I came across this in SS Quah's blog and I'd like to share this with you all. Thanks, SS.

******************************

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you wan t.

FOUR. When you say “I love you”, mean it.

FIVE. When you say “I’m sorry”, look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don’t judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask “Why do you want to know?”

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

I'm about to go analyze some data now, so I'll come back to this later. Cheers!

MACHO ke MANGKUK? Meh sini I bagi tau...

MM Still nak maintain macho ye? Even after I have specifically, clearly, explicitly informed that with me, no such acts are necessary!

Marah? Memang lah marah! Menyampah pun ada.

Nak tau tak macho tu macam mana? Meh sini I cakap macho tu macam mana, from ONE WOMAN's point of view. Ladies, if you don't agree with me, sorry lah - this is just MY point of view. Gents, if you don't agree with me, stop reading RIGHT NOW. I don't give a rat's ass this one time.

Here goes.

Taking her hand (or holding out your hand so that she can take it) and holding her hand while crossing the road? MACHO.
Crossing the road without glancing to see if she's still next to you or is left waddling behind you 200 effing meters away? MANGKUK.

Offering to take her shopping bag from her and carrying it for her (even for a short while)? MACHO.
Cracking jokes about how come you're still holding YOUR shopping bag instead of HER
holding it for you AND letting her carry YOUR shopping bag? MANGKUK tu.

Holding her hand when she's ill or calling her to find out how she's doing and sounding like you mean it (even if you don't really care that much and you're more concerned about the goal that your favorite soccer team was supposed to score at the time)? MACHO.
Txting her 'so?how u now? ok or not?' and NOT offering to see her when she needs someone to talk to after her medical checkup? MANGKUK.

Offering to take her on a picnic or a day trip to cheer her up cos she told you she needs a quick break and she's been a grumpy bitch for the longest time? MACHO.
Tarik harga and punishing her by not calling and txting her for 3 days or something cos she's been a grumpy bitch for the longest time? MANGKUK lah...

Making breakfast for her cos she's MUCH MORE cheerful after breakfast, even if it's just a cup of coffee or one piece of bread with a glass of water? MACHO.
Asking her 'Eh? You never make breakfast for me ah?' and laughing like it's the funniest joke you've made, AFTER she ironed your shirt for you? Effing MANGKUK, dude.

Slowing down your pace when you're walking together so that you CAN walk together? MACHO.

Leaving her trailing behind in the neighboring district cos your giraffe-length legs need to

maintain your manly stride? So the MANGKUK, ok?

and at the top of the dungheap,

'MESSIN WIT' HER HEAD' when she humbly asked you not to? MANGKUK la, MANGKUK!!!

Notes:
Mighty Mouse image courtesy of theanimationartgallery.com. And no, my MM tag does not refer to sweet Mighty Mouse.

My hero, Danger Mouse's image courtesy of i108.photobucket.com

...barefoot in the sand, motorbiked 'round the island

Can you schedule something spontaneous?

At least I think that's what happened.

For several weeks now I had been feeling rather out of sorts with work. A project that I am taking care of, that's supposed to be my baby, has reached a plateau and I just lost interest in driving it. Coupled by a few more urgent and important assignments that need my input, I just let the original content project slide. I almost snapped at everyone every time, and MM has not been much of a help, acting macho with me when he didn't need to; he looked as attractive to me as the punching bag I have hanging from a ceiling hook in my living room. Honestly. MM, if you're reading this, YOU KNOW who you are. So I decided that I will go for a weekend retreat. Something soothing, something nearby, something that would not burn a hole in my pocket.

Last weekend, I just couldn't wait any longer. I was getting grumpy at every little thing and every time I stood in front of my dresser mirror, I see myself in a bathing suit, about to head into the sea. I mentioned my plan to my travel buddy and upon mutual agreement, we left on Saturday, on our road trip to Lumut. The ultimate backup plan was to check out Lumut, use the return ferry trip to check out Pangkor, then surf around Sitiawan, Sri Manjung, maybe even Teluk Intan, before returning home to KL. So, regardless of what Lumut and Pangkor had to offer, accomodation-wise, we would be ready, and we'd have a great time anyway.

Both Lumut and Pangkor had reasonable accomodation for us, and we checked into Hotel Putra in Lumut. Grimy bathroom and the rooms smell like broom cupboards. I never was one to spend long evenings in hotel rooms anyway (unless I was staying in Bangkok's Royal Orchid Sheraton and Sheraton Laguna Phuket) so I had a lovely time exploring Lumut. The shops, the interesting hotel signs, and a nice chill-out pub named Rockafellas.

Adik, who recommended Rockafellas, managed the camp that would be our accommodation on Pangkor Island. I loved it! I had so much fun and for once, I found it difficult to leave the cool waters of Nipah Bay beach.

It was a good weekend, and now I'm back, ready to drive the project again, and be nice again to MM. Heh heh heh..

Mission accomplished

Got my ice kacang.

Had 2, in fact - one before dinner in Lumut and the other, featured here, after a long walk along Nipah Bay. Cooling, refreshing, invigorating. And I wasnt just talking about the ice kacang.

A well-deserved break, for sure!

Power my search? You betcha

Still in Starbucks in Borders in the Curve.

Flipping the pages of Clay Shirky's Here Comes Everybody, and feeling rather let down by the book. It came so highly recommended. I wanted to understand communities that share similar anchors, and how personal motivation can meet collective productivity. He promised insights to 'the power of organizing without organizations', but the more I read the book, the more I feel that I could glean more from Gladwell's Tipping Point. The songs playing in the background remind me of Karen Carpenter's voice, and I suddenly remembered a movie that I watched when I was 7 or 8 years old - the title song from that movie sounded like Karen Carpenter singing something like 'bless the beast and the children' - that tune, just that one line, has played in my head for almost 30 years now. The movie also moved me a lot, I recall. It was something about boys, summer or army camp or something, and lots of running. There were animals too, but to me, the movie was about friends. (Yeh - I was 7, but by that time, thanks to my mum and dad and the sisters in St Theresa's Kindergarten, I was already bored from reading the Straits Times and Mad Magazine. Heh.

Back to the future, or present, depending on your perspective.

I turned to my good friend Google and looked for the song or movie with the words. Then I found it - it WAS a song by the Carpenters, and the movie was also of the same title! I looked it up in imdb.com and found it - the 1971 production of Bless the Beasts & Children. Plot summary is as follows, thanks to Patrick King.

"A group of adolescent boys, placed in a summer camp by their otherwise too busy parents, find themselves unable to fit in and are soon branded as bedwetters by their fellow campers and unsympathetic counselor. After their counselor exposes them to what they perceive as a cruel slaughter of corralled bison, these misfits are soon drawn to a common purpose to break free of their camp and free the bison. On their way to free the bison, individual flashbacks reveal the relationships each has with his own family and give insight to their reasons behind wanting to set the bison free. Karen and Richard Carpenter's singing of the title song occurs now and again throughout the movie to underscore the the drama."

The movie was directed by Stanley Kramer, who also directed Judgement: the Court Martial of the Tiger of Malaya - General Yamashita. He had also directed Sydney Poitier, Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy in the 1967's Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. Wow.

More importantly for me, my almost 30-year-old mystery is now solved.

What would I do without Google & imdb?

Do judge a bookshelf by the covers...

Just put in my special order for Coelho's 'Eleven Minutes'. Had time to spare so I browsed leisurely. Looked through the shelves, including the Borders' recommended fiction and non-fiction volumes. Walking back to my table in Starbucks with my browsing copy of Toyota Way, the realization hit me. Recently, I see many paperback fiction covers are designed with the fonts, images and color schemes that are reminiscent of Coelho's books (esp By the River Piedra I Sat and Wept, Like the Flowing River and the Zahir). And, many non-fiction books, especially business / management / marketing / communications ones, have covers of similar color schemes with Jim Collins' Good to Great.

Is there some literary agent machination out there that did consumer interviews and found some sort of preferred color combination that just compel people to pick up a hitherto unknown book, associate it with the more successful books from Collins or Coelho or Picoult or Welch, and have a light bulb go off in their heads and straight away head to the cashier to ring the purchase?

What wonders, one wonders.

...and HOW EXACTLY has patriotism among youth declined significantly?

Patriotism: "devoted love, support, and defense of one's country; national loyalty."

- American Psychological Association (APA):patriotism. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved April 13, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/patriotism

*********************
Monday April 14:
2008 Govt study: Youngsters just ain’t patriotic By IAN MCINTYRE

BACHOK: A recent Government study has revealed that patriotism levels among youth in the country have declined significantly and if left unchecked, could lead to serious consequences for nation building.

Youth and Sports Minister Datuk Ismail Sabri Yaakob said the revelation has forced the ministry to re-look its policy on how to engage youth.

The Government has admitted it has lost the support of youths and has been unable to reach out to the technology-savvy generation, he said. “We need to adapt to changing needs and lifestyles. For starters, we need to re-instill patriotism in youths regardless of their ethnicity or religious backgrounds,'' he said during his inaugural working visit to the east coast state. Earlier, he held dialogues with youth department officers and non-governmental organizations (NGOs) at the youth skills institute here.

Ismail said the ministry would now be “result-orientated” with a specific goal of restoring confidence among the young in the Government. This would include the ministry setting up its own blog as well as channeling funds directly to all youth associations, including youth-based NGOs in the country.

“We have decided to reduce bureaucracy. From now on, all funding for youth NGOs and associations will come directly from the ministry. “We would ensure the grassroots have funds to conduct activities for youths,” he said. Character-building programmes that instil patriotism are also needed to shore up support among youths, Ismail said.

*****************

I wonder, which specific parts of patriotism would be instilled into the youth, 'regardless of their ethnicity and religious background'. I'm sure the powers that be are aware that a patriot can also be described as a person who regards themselves as defender, esp of individual rights, against presumed interference by the federal govt. Not my own words, mind you. Go ahead and dictionary.com it and you'll be able to see for yourself.

I'd like to hear the youths' point of view on what does patriotism mean to them. Do they have the same images in their minds as I do? Perhaps they also see that the opposite of being patriotic can be described by the words treacherous, backstabbing, faithless, miserly or selfish.

How would our youths view the 'result-oriented' specific goal of restoring confidence in the Government among the young, as quoted in the article? What element are we focusing on, to restore confidence in? I am too old to be naive, to young to be cynical. Even then, if I were to be asked to have confidence in a body, to re-instill patriotism in my heart, I want to see a body that's honorable, incorruptible, dependable, public-spirited, unselfish.

When I was in school, it was a tradition for the 5th formers to circle the dorm and school blocks at midnight on Merdeka day. When it was our turn, my fellow form-mates and I gathered at the netball court with our lanterns. At the stroke of midnight, we started to sing the National Anthem. Being rather far from each other, our voices sounded soft and reedy in the beginning. Then, somehow, they became stronger, and the words became clearer too, all the way until the end of the song. I don't remember much of what happened after that. What I do remember is, for the first time, I heard not just the voice from my voice box, but also the voice from my heart. I felt the words for the first time. And I knew then, if I need to drop everything to defend my country, I would, and I would defend my homeland even with my bare hands.

This is a love that goes beyond 'ethnicity and religious background', and I wish the MORONS would just stop using that phrase. For me:

Negaraku, tanah tumpahnya darahku

Rakyat hidup bersatu dan maju

Rahmat bahagia Tuhan kurniakan

Raja kita selamat bertakhta.

Always.

Being pragmatic or settling for less?

Her latest update, via email:

"He'll be 40 in September, very much a BOY in a grown man's body. I've known him for years and we started dating each other exclusively for a couple of months now.

Us in a snapshot? He calls me 'his girl' and I call him 'my guy'. Some of his friends know me from before also, so I assimilate in group outings easily, as the 'big brother's GIRL'. he's very protective of me, and once, even threatened to take me home straight away when we arrived at a pub and I removed my jacket to reveal a halter neck dress that made me look like a sex symbol. Heh heh. I pouted, he relented. Sex later was bedhead-against the wall-poundingly awesome, I was sore for the whole weekend, honey.

ah but then I digress.

Basically, I wanted 1 man to focus on for the time being and he was there. I suppose he wanted 1 girl to focus on, no complications.

Quite honestly though, connection is not deep. soul mates we are not. It's all right, though. I have a feeling that we both, somehow, chose this option.

I decided to say yes to him when he said 'but I'm not sharing you with any other man' because he was clear about that, and because he committed to me that he won't date other women when I told him I "ain't too crazy about sharing you with other girls, yo" :-)

Once, we went out and ran into a few of my own friends. one of them is a guy that I had connected with before. We shared tears, laughter, dreams, fears, even ourselves, stopping short at sex. He smoldered the whole evening, watching me and my guy. Truthfully, I said yes to my guy because the one whom I believed would be happier spending his life with me, decided to listen to his logical brain and not to his heart.

You must think I've settled for less. At first, I thought so too. Then I decided to stop thinking about it. I've given it enough thought. I'll just live. For now.

The most important thing is -

we always use protection. Heh heh heh"

Immediate action needed

Something short, something sweet, something economical, and I'm not even talking about me.

I'm talking about a nice little getaway, a trip near to home. About sipping ABC and watching the world go by at Lumut waterfront. The ferry ride to Pangkor Island, walking around the markets, just walking around in general.

Yeh - immediate action indeed.

The End.

And just like that, he dumped her. Unceremoniously, too. The bastard.

Pedagogical Pop features Say (All I Need)

My friend, Yoga, commented that the lines that struck a nerve with him were -

Do you think you can find it?
Better than you had it

His comment prompted us both to look at the meaning of the words here. I then realized that, to me, this OneRepublic song is uplifting, instead of depressing. An internal chat, rather than questions I ask someone else; definitely not a lament of a broken soul.

When I listen to this song, I feel like I'm sitting down by a river or in a Japanese garden, listening to a dialog between my logical brain with my heart.

You see, sometimes something happens and the brain says "wait a tic - this doesnt make bloody sense" . Then she gets a little bit loopy and forces me to decide on the next step purely from a logical point of view. At the end of the day though, my brain is not happy. That's why she asked:

Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong,
but nothing's turned out how you wanted

I feel like my brain is asking my heart for advice, or even criticizing her for being somewhat naive, and telling her off; to 'get real'. My heart says -

Bless my soul,you're a lonely soul,
cause you won't let go of anything you hold
Well, all I need is the air I breathe
And a place to rest my head

My heart quickly follows up with her questions too -

Do you know what your fate is,
And are you trying to shake it
You're doing your best and your best look,
You're praying that you make it

I believe in the linkage between my heart and my logical brain. My heart asks my brain to believe in the link between them. This link is important for me to maintain my inner harmony. To always remember that living this life is most meaningfully done through doing the right things and doing things right. That's the reason why I find this song uplifting, instead of depressing. It's about hope. It's about moving forward in life. It's about living my life and discovering the purpose of ME. My heart again encourages my brain to trust the link by asking, gently -

Whenever the end is,
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there, go on -
go ahead and scream it.
Just say.

My heart is saying to my head that they both are on the same side. The highest purpose of both my heart and my brain is to take care of me. And that's the message I get from this song. That's why it cheers me up every time.

Foolishness, thy name is the Malaysian education system

She graduated in the top 10% of her class, earning her a First Class Hons. Degree. Then she went off to the Promised Land – a premiere telecommunications company that is well-known in the country and the immediate surrounding areas. Shortage of salespeople, they told her, so in she went and began her 8-year bonding period with her employer. She’s in her 4th year now. Performance evaluation shows that she hasn’t been performing. Not meeting expectation, she’d told. A brilliant scholar, they told me, so I naturally I was curious. What a dynamic, pulsating brain she must have, I thought; limitless capabilities of processing logic, defining possibilities, designing multiple options for solutions to complex problems and all that shite. Her friend asked me to talk to her. I reminded her friend that she must be the one asking for help, but her friend insisted that I pop by for a chat. I had time on my hands, and I was only meeting MM much later for dinner, so I met up with the brain box for a chat. And what a chat it was…

Me: So, you’ve been here for almost 4 years, ya?
(She nods)
Me: How do you feel about this place?
She: I like it here. I want to stay in this organization.
Me: Right. What do you like about this place?
She: It’s a secure job. Lots of benefits. I can be sure of a good retirement package when I’m done with work.
Me: A – ha. How do you feel about your current role?
She: I hate it.
Me: What do you hate about it?
She: I’m not good at it. I don’t know how to be a salesperson. Every time I go for performance review I get a bad experience. I’m never meeting expectations. Every year I wait for a vacancy announcement in the technical area so that I can request a transfer but I never hear anything. I give up already.
Me: That sounds tough.
(She nods)
Me: You really want to go into the more technical line, huh?
(She nods again)
Me: So…what are you doing about it?
(She looks up, startled)
She: About what?
Me: About getting into a more technical line of work in this same organization.
She: Didn’t you hear what I said? I waited for the vacancy announcement every year and there’s none! It’s really not about what you know in here, but about WHO you know. How can YOU not see that?
(She reminds me of a lioness about to go hunting)
Me: Other than waiting for the announcement every year, what else are you doing about it?
(She remains silent)
Me: Did you discuss your dismal performance with your boss?
(She resorts to glaring at me)
Me again: Did you identify your own development plan? Did you propose action plans to your boss? Did you inform your boss what could be done to help improve your performance? What did your boss say about your continuous, consistently bad performance? What role are you playing in your sales team? What’s the purpose of you being there?
(Her ears are almost as red as her face)
She: It’s HIS responsibility to develop my career! I shouldn’t be telling him how to do his work!
Me: How would this look like to heads of technical departments? What would you think this would represent?
She: It would represent me being unhappy in my current work and I’d only be happy in a technical line that suits my honors degree.
Me: What if I tell you this picture could be representing something totally negative?
She: How can that be? I’m a techie, and so are they! They would know that a techie like me would be unhappy doing Sales, and that’s why I suck at it.
(I decided to move in for the kill. Better put this cretin out of her misery now.)
Me: What this picture is showing them could be this: you have no interest in learning something new. There is no flexibility at all in your behavior no initiative at all to venture into something new no creativity at all to discover how else to use the excellent brain that you’ve been given that helped you gain the best result in your exams. Rather than take the lemons that you’ve been given and make lemonade you sit and whine and handed over the power of choice to other people. They might be thinking how can I trust this person with the tough techie work in my unit if she can’t even handle Sales? How can I leave her to work independently and/or with the rest of the team like a well-oiled machine when at the slightest downturn she gives up everything and will in fact bring the whole team down?
( I didn't even pause. No comma throughout, just a question mark at the end)
She: How would you know anything? You know nothing about me! You have no idea what I went through!
Me: That’s right. I don’t. Then you tell me how wrong my estimate is about the kind of image that you’re presenting to head of tech divisions.
(She actually glowered at me then)
She: So what should I do then?
Me: What do you WANT to do?
She: Get a techie job.
Me: So, what are you doing about it?
She: You’re supposed to tell me that. Aren’t you some sort of life coach or something? Some coach you are, if you come here and ask questions and expect ME to come up with the answers.
Me: Now this picture is representing not only stubbornness but a preference for spoon-feeding.
She: So you're giving up too? Guess even you can’t handle someone like me, right? I knew that you were some bogus wannabe coach or something.
(I got up and looked at her. Poor kid. I'm not angry, just calm and relaxed.)
Me: I only work with people who want to work out their issues, who are ready for change, who are ready to release whatever inside them that are holding them back. People who recognize that if doing what they’re doing doesn’t give them the results they want, it’s worth to change what they do until they get the results they want. I show them the potential paths forward and they decide where to go. Until you are mature enough to know what I’m talking about, I wish you good luck and take care. If you need to talk, call me.
She: What makes you think that I would want to talk to you?
Me: Because surely you're not as silly as you make yourself out to be now, are you?

I thanked her for her time and walked out of the lounge area. At the lobby, I smoked a Gudang Garam while watching MM's car come up the driveway. I tossed the rest of the pack to him when I got in the car. He leaned over to kiss my cheek and asked me who I met. I paused for a bit, got a new piece of chewing gum out and popped it in my mouth.

I had met the typical output of the Malaysian education system, I told him.

He grinned. "Poor baby," he said. He kissed me on my forehead, pocketed the Gudang Garam pack, put the car in gear and drove me off to dinner. Yeh. Poor baby, I said in my heart, thinking of the young woman I left sitting in the lounge.

He finally found her

Remember him? Well, after more than 5 years, he finally found her. When he asked her, she listened to her heart. Her heart didnt say much. Her heart just said, "we're in sync. Life is our classroom. Let's learn." So she replied - "What took you so long?" He threw his head back in laughter, lifted her off her feet and into his arms for a long hug. When they kissed, they realised that they BOTH had found each other. This is meant to happen now, not 5 years ago.

And it's all right.

Just love

A good friend of mine and his girl broke up and he said this: "I jumped into a relationship with the best intentions and they backfired in my face, so i'll just plod on, pick meself up and start again [albeit with a more dubious, cynical outlook than last time. If i've learned anything it's not give yourself too freely and for sure SAVE some of yourself...for yourself."

I wrote back to him and told him this:
Not to give ourselves freely to our loved one presents a bigger risk of regret. How can we be sure that we've given the best we can and lived all the moments in that relationship if we know in the back of our heads that we saved some of ourselves as cushioning, just in case? This does not help to answer honestly these questions:

1. If my he/she had access to all of me / my soul / my self would we have had a more fulfilling relationship?
2. Could I have done more?

Sure, we can answer those questions, but answers that are not completely honest means we are not being completely truthful to ourselves. There's also a potential for the relationship to be a self-fulfilling prophecy (I need to be more dubious and cynical because thats the only way to save my heart from being shattered again). The deep hell of 'what-ifs' is not a place for anyone I care about.

So, just love. Love as wholly as we can. Have faith in our heart's ability to heal. Be harmonious with the fact that we love ourselves and we give all of our heart to build a warm, loving relationship that brings out the best in us. If the relationship doesnt turn out as how we wanted it to, accept the fact and let's be grateful that we have had the opportunity to love and be loved in return.

For at least 2 years I have not loved anyone, I thought I was doing the right thing and my critical, analytical thinking saved my soul from hurt. I was wrong. I forgot about my heart's ability to heal. I did not feel any love because I did not love. I believed that every time a relationship ended, I could pick up my shattered heart from the floor, but the pieces would never be whole again. And that's what happened, because I believed it. I see the truth now. I'm grateful for the vision, because if not, I wouldnt have realised how I let my soul die. And this is as much as a continuous reminder to myself more than me sharing this opinion with you.

Please re-consider your strategy. You are good enough to love and to be loved. There's no need to keep a % of you to you, for you. Separate intentions from behaviour: hate the behaviour, not the person.


I asked for his forgiveness if I was too brash and insensitive in my remarks, I just will not let someone I know go forth with a strategy that I have seen to have more potential to destroy than to heal.

Was I too brash?

I think I have my own thought about this issue

I was watching the PRU 12 results program on TV last night and one academician, when asked by the moderator, "What do you do think about this?" He responded, "I think I have my own thought about this issue..."

As opposed to what? Having someone else's thoughts, perhaps?

I understand the stress of thinking and talking at the same time. The demands of being articulate at all time - aiyoh. So, I may be a bit mean or petty for having a bit of fun here, but please forgive me - I just will not resist the lure, this time.

So here's what I say.

I think I have my own thoughts about things too.

I think someone should take down the posters, now that the election is over.
I think the politicians who have now been forced down should take their families for vacation.
I think the warriors who lost the fight (and lucky enough to keep their heads) should sit down and write (handwritten, not berking computer-printout-ed) thank you letters to their teams who helped them on their campaigns.
I think these books are worth revisiting, even if just for shits and giggles - Jeffrey Archer's The Prodigal Daughter and First Among Equals.
I think the new-elects should grab copies of BBC's Yes, Minister and Yes, Prime Minister DVDs and watch them. Turn the subtitles on to immediately increase your vocabulary.
I think scoring high marks in Sim City should be mandatory for town planners and town council officials. For aspiring castle-building city councillors, their practical exam should be the board game Notre Dame or the RPG Civilizations / Command and Conquer.
I think 4 years would be a good time to start doing some soul-searching.

I think it's time for me to get me an ashtray.
I think it's a good time to change to Marlboro Lights.
Oh, yeah.

I'll bring you along when you're older

After their grandmother died, their mum would go out on her bike every day, once a day. He'd ask her where she went when she returned. She told him that she went out to visit a friend. He would ask her to take him along and every time she would tell him that she'll bring him along when he got older. One day, she brought him along on her bike ride. What a long ride it was. The road was winding and all, through rubber estate and such. Then he saw the lane clearing to their grandmother's cemetary. Her plot was draped with beautiful flowers. So that was their mother's destination, every day, for a year. He was 9 years old then.

Chris and his brothers were on their way back home after they had chosen the plot for their mum's burial when he told them the story. Only then he could cry.

Rest in peace, Mrs Kok.

Let's dance

"We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance." - Japanese proverb

I was researching quotes and articles focusing on positive attitude and change, and I found that one. Reading it brought a smile on my face. Wanna know why? It reminded me of a picture I had in my mind. You can see this picture too! Picture it with me; it's Starbucks in the evening. There are a few people in the cafe. Some working on their laptops, some reading, some chatting with friends. All relaxing, nursing a Starbucks beverage in their hands. Customary in any Starbucks cafe, music would be playing in the background. This time, some island acoustic tune is playing. Makes you think of a backdrop of swaying palm trees and hammocks, neh? Now, to this picture of Starbucks cafe that you have in your mind, add to it a few girls in Hawaiian hula grass skirts, gently moving their hips and arms to the rhythm of the music.

Did I see this in Starbucks that one evening? NOPE. What I saw was everything else, except for the girls in the grass skirts. The cafe's patrons were all doing what they were doing, as always. It wasn't a busy night in the cafe then. But what if, though? What if, a few patrons just decided to stand up and sway near their tables, in appreciation of the gentle acoustic guitar, strumming in the background? Would the staff come out from behind their counter and stop them? Would people walking along the corridor outside the cafe stop and stare? Point their fingers at the crazy people and snicker? I'm not sure. I'm not that brave a man to venture and find out...

Aaanyway, I pointed that fact out to Chris when he came to get me. Actually, I moved my arms about my sides in what I had imagined would be a Hawaiian hula girl-style, and gestured to the music, hoping he'd put 2 and 2 together. He did. At least that got a laugh out of him. Hehe.

I will dance in my living room. I will smile even when no one's looking. And I will remember that everything's gonna be all right.

In the meantime, we are fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.

Photo of Sanada-san provided by japan-zone.com

Valuable advice, indeed

I was at zenhabits.net and saw that Leo was having a 100-questions extravaganza. I jumped at the opportunity to get his feedback on something that was on my mind. Below is my question, and Leo's prompt response.
***************

Faz asked: “What’s your advice to someone who’s on her journey to find her true voice and her true self?”

Man, you guys aren’t asking easy ones! There is no right answer here, but here goes:

Listen, experiment, be bold.

Listen, because it’s only when we find quiet in our lives and can get away from the din of the world that we can actually hear our inner voice.

Experiment, because you’ll never know what you’re going to love until you try it. Do a variety of things until you’ve found your passion — or one of your passions, at least.

Be bold, because fear is what stops us from finding our calling, our love, ourselves. Don’t let fear stop you. Laugh in the face of that fear, and be bold.

Good luck Faz! You’re on a wonderful journey.

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And indeed - I believe it too. I AM on a wonderful journey. Thanks, Leo.