Oh Charlie!

I was feeling dreary. It's so sunny outside I had to bite my own fist to stop myself from getting into the car and running AWOL to enjoy a bit of lie-down by the condo pool. Then a good friend, Johnny, suggested I go read some Charlie Brooker.

"Thank God for dishonesty. I can't have been the only Briton to shift awkwardly in their seat throughout the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympic games the other week. The Chinese mounted an unprecedented spectacle. Thousands of synchronised drummers, acrobats, fireworks, impossible floating rings made of electric dust (surely alien technology, that), dancers, prancers, singers and flingers. Maybe not flingers. I just threw that in to complete the rhyme. But you get the picture. It was amazing. It cost around £50m and was probably rehearsed at the shooty end of a machine gun. Dance, beloved populace! Miss three steps and we take out your kneecaps. Miss five and we go for the head. Dance till your homeland is the envy of the world! Stop weeping and dance!"

Read the full article here: Thanks to China, we have a blueprint for 2012 - virtual athletes and exciting made-up CGI sports.

I am now both enlightened AND entertained. Thanks Jay!