Istanbul, 1999

I watched a travel channel documentary last week about Istanbul. It reminded me of my own visit there in 1999. It was another work assignment, and I was there for a couple of weeks. The first time ever a job took me out of the home country. The images are blurry in my mind now, but the feelings come back sometimes. Visiting the Spice Bazaar just across the road from the Bosphorus river, enjoying pistachio ice cream in front of Topkapi Palace, haggling for scarves and lace tablecloths at the weekend market. Walking along the cobblestone lanes of Atakoy. It was winter, and the sun set at about 4:30pm every day; which was fine with me as it was Ramadan when we were there, working on the new Ataturk international terminal project. Our site office was located there, and every evening we would join the airport staff in the cafeteria for Iftar before returning back to our hotel or flat.

The funny thing to me was how we were perceived by a few of our Turkish colleagues. Some of them ridiculed our choice to observe prayers and fasting, calling us 'ridiculous' for praying and fasting. One young woman, I remember, actually came up to me and asked me "Dont tell me you actually do *those* things?" Having been forewarned by a senior colleague that had been there earlier, I responded just with a small smile. I found out that she and her friends had come from the richer families and eventhough they proudly claimed themselves to subscribe to religion, they associated themselves more with the secular way of life. They even told me that "only poor people pray and fast here" while puffing away at their special Turkish blend non-flitered Camels.

As much as they made their statements clear, I also made it clear that I was there to work; and my job was to ensure that the system administrators went through the training meant for them and the selected trainers were adequately instructed to conduct end-user training courses. I did feel rather intimidated by them at first, with their rather aggressive style of communication. I just stuck to the bottom line: it's fine if they, at the last minute, decide to not show up for their training. I showed them the draft of my report that our training was scheduled, trainer & equipment were ready - it was their choice to disobey instructions and not attend. I didnt wait for them; I had proceeded with training the trainers for the end-users. Them towering over me made me feel a bit nervous. But hey - I may be short, but I still ran the show. Things went well in the end, and I was glad to return home after my assignment.

Perhaps the colleagues that I experienced was just a tiny slice of the people there. I'm not sure. For a few years I decided not to plan any vacations to Istanbul. But I suppose the ice around my heart have melted a bit too. I am actually thinking of returning there. There's something about that city that appealed to me, appeals to me still.

- Image courtesy of gnarlydorkette's blog -

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Of course it wasnt a bloody Sunday; I was just referring to the U2 song :-)

After many weekends working on materials for upcoming training sessions, I decided to take last Sunday off from my normal schedule and treat myself to a homing Sunday. It started off in a pretty normal way - me waking up to make a steaming mug of NESLO (yummy yummy) and then snuggling back under the bedcovers with a book. This lasted for half an hour. My mind wandered off to the living room, going through my furniture layout. I had visited Cavenzi a couple of weekends back and the dining room set that was displayed there really caught my eye. Before I knew it, I was out in the living room, rearranging my furniture. Now the TV rack is moved to another side of the wall and funnily enough, I found out that I could get all my subscribed satelite TV channels from this new position! Now, isnt that interesting?

That discovery pretty much influenced my decision on what to do for the rest of the day. I watched a few movies and discovered several interesting stuff:

1. In The Bodyguard (Cinemax), the actor who played the assassin who was hired to kill Whitney Houston's character in the movie, Tomas Arana, was the same guy who played Quintus, head of Caesar's Pretorian guards in the Russel Crowe vehicle Gladiator. Arana also played the renegade crew member of Red October, in the Alec Baldwin-Sean Connery hit, The Hunt for red October. Arana played the cook who sabotaged the nuclear sub (and shot Sam Neil 'I've always wanted to see Montana')'s character.
   
2. The actress who played Carmen's mum in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (Star Movies) was the same actress who played Melina, Arnold Schwartzenegger's love interest in the 1990 movie Total Recall. If she looks familiar to you, it's probably because you saw her also in Nic Cage's Con-Air. She played security guard Sally Bishop in that movie. BTW, Ugly Betty's America Ferrera played the role of Carmen in the Sisterhood movie.
   
3. In one of Midsomer Murders' episodes (Electric Vendetta), the actor who played Lloyd Kirby looked so familiar. Then I remembered where I had seen him. He played one of the Imperial Officers in 2 of the Star Wars movies (episode V and VI). According to my trusty source, IMDB, he's the only actor to play an Imperial officer in more than one Star Wars film (not including the extras, naturally). I suppose that's understandable, considering the fact that other Imperial officers were killed off in battle with the rebel alliance or killed by Darth Vader within 2 minutes of screen time.

I guess it was a bloody Sunday after all. A bloody good Sunday! :-D

What a month so far!

It's been hectic. Some of the times it's been fun, some of the times, it just sucks. One fun time was the Line Dance party at OUG club on June 9, courtesy of our instructor, Bernard Lim. At our FF The Curve table was Shelli, me, Aurelius, Wai N, Nelly and Evie. In the photo below, we were still freah cos we just arrived.After that we were joined by Gabby, Zainal (who was dressed in white like his friends from FF Maxis on the table next to ours) and Eddie. Bernard stepped on to the Ballroom stage and welcomed everyone soon after that. We started off with a couplle of familiar songs, and it was good to see almost everyone on the ballroom floor, dancing. Bernard started each song with a quick recap of the steps, and by 8pm the food arrived. We took a break to enjoy dinner and each others' company. Throughout the evening, there were lucky draws (Nelly got a bottle of Vitamin C, I think) and here we are, in a photo with Bernard. From left - Nelly, Wai N, Zainal, me, Bernard, Evie, Shelli, Aurelius and Gabby.

We all had a lot of fun. We car-pooled on the way to OUG Club and back (yeh, very environmental friendly) and there were members from FF gyms + 1 or 2 other gyms. That black tee that Bernard's wearing the photo was designed by members of FF Axis. The whole gang wore the tees. Bright colors on black, with the words 'Line dance funk' under the logo. There were a couple of tables full of members of another FF gym, next to us, who really came over in full force. I remember one of them kept on taking his shirt off. It started with the unbuttoned shirt in the middle of the evening, and ended with the emergence of the hairless chest at the end of the party.

There were mini 'competitions' of who could do the loudest and the longest 'yaaaaaaaaaaaa.... mmmmmm.......SEENG!!!!!' between a table near us and another accross the room. There were also table screams, prompted by the MC (an FF member) who made us (DO WE HAVE REPRESENTATIVES FROM FF THE CURVE???) shout twice because to her we sounded like we didnt eat rice for 300 days (ok she didnt say that, that was my interpretation heh heh) While we did our best to mime ourselves shouting (I think FF Axis tables shouted on our behalf - a lot of howling and shouting that night lah). A couple of more shouts and antics would have reminded me of a school dinner or gathering back in 1989 :-> I was grateful that she didnt ask for howls from the FF Manulife, because I know for a fact that only 2 people represented that club. We'd have to hope for assistance from Axis tables again for them, I suppose.

She helped Bernard with the emceeing and she was extremely handy during the lucky draw segments. Her running commentary on the big prizes and the grand prize (kisses from Bernard to spending a night with him, 'in any position you like') plus her juicy remarks on guys coming up to receive their gifts all wet and slick and a host of other remarks made me and Shelli reminisce of similar dinners with Joanne Kam Po Po.

We closed the line dance funk party with Hellogoodbye's 'Here in Your Arms', a definite FF Curve favorite. We left after midnight, sweaty and happy, and kudos for Bernard for hosting such a fun evening :-D

Cantankerous no more

I've changed. Still changing, in fact. One thing for sure, I'm not broken any more now. I'm healing. In a lot of areas, I'm already healed. I'm now more focused on what I want, instead of being focused on what I dont want. I see the world differently now. For the first time I believe and I see that opportunities are abundant.

A major part of my healing came from the release of limiting decisions and major negative emotions like unwarranted anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt. This means I am cured from being cantankerous and tormenting. I have released the need to justify shoestring budgets and limitations. I finally learn what it means to want something, especially something good and great for me. With my hat full of stars, I am cantankerous no more.

For those who havent heard the song 'Hat Full of Stars' by Cyndi Lauper, it is worth a listen. I love the whole album. To me, it felt like I was sitting with a good girlfriend and she's sharing with me her precious stories, thoughts and experiences. I graduated from cassette to audio cd and mp3 for this album; something that I can only say about 4-5 other albums since 1990.

The lyrics are below. Enjoy ;-)

Hat Full of Stars: Cyndi Lauper
I was folding up your letters
Unpacking winter clothes
Searching for my hat
I thought I left it by the door
So I tore around the room
Like a bird without a head
I saw your picture waving back at me
From underneath the bed
From a long, long time ago

When all I had
Was a hat full of stars
The one I'll always treasure
The one that you wore
You loved the look
But you never looked inside
You would have seen us there
You could've seen far
You should've seen the magic
In my hat full of stars

I'm trying to live in the present
But I keep tripping on the past
Finding out reality, well
Clarity Comes in dribs and drabs
No we never had the time
For everything we had
So it felt like we had nothing
That's what makes this hat so sad
It was a long, long time ago

When all we had
Was a hat full of stars...
...You would have seen us there
You could've seen far
You should've seen the magic
In my hat full of stars

Now whenever I'm alone
And I think I might forget
I wear my lucky hat
Just like a crown up on my head -
'Cause all I have
Is a hat full of stars...
If you could see me now
You would've seen far
You should've seen the magic
In my hat full of stars...

You can make good connections!

Would you like to establish instant rapport? Firstly, here's what I learned about rapport in my NLP Practitioner training. Rapport is when the people you talk to accept your suggestions unquestioningly.

So, how much would learning about establishing instant rapport be relevant to you?
:-)

I subscribe to Jamie Smart's NLP coaching tip, which I find extremely helpful for me as I continue to view the world through my new eyes. I extract the tip and do continue reading to find out more. See you again before the end of this post, after you finish reading his tip.

ENJOY!

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How to establish instant rapport through language
From Jamie Smart, Director of Training (May 31, 2007)

...Several years ago, I was doing some executive coaching for a large multinational, & I was due to meet with the sales director & one of his managers. I stopped by to have a word with the manager prior to the meeting, who warned me not to mention the sales figures. He explained that the numbers had been very low; that the director had been in a bad mood all day, & would go mad if I mentioned the figures.

When the manager & I walked into the director's office, the first words out of my mouth were "Hi, I hear the sales figures sucked this month." The manager cringed, waiting for the inevitable explosion, but the director just laughed, shook my hand & said "Yeah, but it's time to move on." We immediately got down to business& had a successful meeting, with no further mention of the dreaded sales number.

Meet them at their map of the world

You begin to establish rapport when you meet someone at their 'map of the world'. As humans, we have a natural tendency to get "in-sync" with one another over time, but it's possible to speed the process up dramatically.

Our brains contain "mirror neurons" that help us understand how another person is feeling, make predictions about what they're going to do next, & learn through imitation. We can use our neural heritage to make guesses about what the other person is thinking & feeling.

Next time you have a chat or meet with a person, ask yourself "What's it like to be them right now?" Make a guess about what the other person is thinking & feeling. If appropriate, acknowledge it in your language. The statement you make can range from the specific to the general.

For instance:
. In the case of the sales director, where I had specific information about his likely focus of attention, saying "Hi, I hear the sales figures sucked this month" was a very specific way of saying to him "I understand what you're feeling".

· To a policeman I was chatting to in Dublin last weekend who said that he thought NLP was a load of nonsense, I said "When people are sceptical about this stuff, I usually tell them that they're right to be sceptical. After all, until you've experienced just how powerful this can be for you in your own life, why would you have any reason to be otherwise?" Suddenly he became curious & asked to see the cards I was showing someone else. (If you recognise this sentence from a previous tip, it's because I've started to use this as a 'stock response' whenever someone expresses scepticism about NLP.)

· In the case of a group of 500 teenagers I spoke to last year, I said "Hi guys. It's Monday morning, and we're all here at assembly, and you've all come here for a reason, so as you sit here listening to me, you may be wondering 'What has this guy got to say that's going to be interesting & valuable to me & my life?' The majority of the group immediately became attentive & engaged.

It's worth noticing something about my actions in these three situations:

· In the case of the sales director, my statement was based on information received a few minutes earlier.

· In the case of the teenagers, I planned it out the day before the talk.

· In the case of the policeman, I responded in the moment to what he said (but I did use a stock phrase).

Prepare some 'stock responses' for situations that crop up regularly in your life.
Taking a few minutes to do this today can massively increase your speed & effectiveness in connecting with people.

Notice the response you get.
Of course! Whatever you do or say, notice the responses you get. People always respond, & when you're focusing your attention on them, you can get valuable information about the impact you're having.

Next time, we'll be looking at some other ways to get the kind of powerful rapport that paves the way for powerful coaching interactions (& powerful interactions of all sorts).

I'll also be unveiling a powerful new resources for people who want better coaching skills (I'm really excited about this one, & it's taking all my willpower not to tell you all about it this week!)

Have lots of fun connecting with people.

Best wishes

Jamie

Jamie Smart
director of training
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
********************************************
So guys, what do you think?

If you have questions you want to ask about NLP, drop me a mail. If you want to find out where you can learn NLP and become a certified practitioner, get in touch with Carsten by clicking here. This is the center where I successfully completed my Certification in NLP, Timeline Therapy, Hypnotherapy and Certified NLP Coach programs that I had started studying in middle of March this year. Carsten also conducts 2-hour previews about the NLP certified practitioner program where you can see what's in the training program. You can find out more about these previews on his website too. If you want to go and would like me to meet you there, get in touch with me to discuss schedules.

Now, if you like Jamie's tip I featured today and wish to learn more, subscribe to Jamie's tips by clicking on www.saladltd.co.uk/tip_signup.htm

In the meantime, ENJOY MAKING GOOD CONNECTIONS WITH PEOPLE! I'm grateful to have learnt this myself.