Just love

A good friend of mine and his girl broke up and he said this: "I jumped into a relationship with the best intentions and they backfired in my face, so i'll just plod on, pick meself up and start again [albeit with a more dubious, cynical outlook than last time. If i've learned anything it's not give yourself too freely and for sure SAVE some of yourself...for yourself."

I wrote back to him and told him this:
Not to give ourselves freely to our loved one presents a bigger risk of regret. How can we be sure that we've given the best we can and lived all the moments in that relationship if we know in the back of our heads that we saved some of ourselves as cushioning, just in case? This does not help to answer honestly these questions:

1. If my he/she had access to all of me / my soul / my self would we have had a more fulfilling relationship?
2. Could I have done more?

Sure, we can answer those questions, but answers that are not completely honest means we are not being completely truthful to ourselves. There's also a potential for the relationship to be a self-fulfilling prophecy (I need to be more dubious and cynical because thats the only way to save my heart from being shattered again). The deep hell of 'what-ifs' is not a place for anyone I care about.

So, just love. Love as wholly as we can. Have faith in our heart's ability to heal. Be harmonious with the fact that we love ourselves and we give all of our heart to build a warm, loving relationship that brings out the best in us. If the relationship doesnt turn out as how we wanted it to, accept the fact and let's be grateful that we have had the opportunity to love and be loved in return.

For at least 2 years I have not loved anyone, I thought I was doing the right thing and my critical, analytical thinking saved my soul from hurt. I was wrong. I forgot about my heart's ability to heal. I did not feel any love because I did not love. I believed that every time a relationship ended, I could pick up my shattered heart from the floor, but the pieces would never be whole again. And that's what happened, because I believed it. I see the truth now. I'm grateful for the vision, because if not, I wouldnt have realised how I let my soul die. And this is as much as a continuous reminder to myself more than me sharing this opinion with you.

Please re-consider your strategy. You are good enough to love and to be loved. There's no need to keep a % of you to you, for you. Separate intentions from behaviour: hate the behaviour, not the person.


I asked for his forgiveness if I was too brash and insensitive in my remarks, I just will not let someone I know go forth with a strategy that I have seen to have more potential to destroy than to heal.

Was I too brash?

I think I have my own thought about this issue

I was watching the PRU 12 results program on TV last night and one academician, when asked by the moderator, "What do you do think about this?" He responded, "I think I have my own thought about this issue..."

As opposed to what? Having someone else's thoughts, perhaps?

I understand the stress of thinking and talking at the same time. The demands of being articulate at all time - aiyoh. So, I may be a bit mean or petty for having a bit of fun here, but please forgive me - I just will not resist the lure, this time.

So here's what I say.

I think I have my own thoughts about things too.

I think someone should take down the posters, now that the election is over.
I think the politicians who have now been forced down should take their families for vacation.
I think the warriors who lost the fight (and lucky enough to keep their heads) should sit down and write (handwritten, not berking computer-printout-ed) thank you letters to their teams who helped them on their campaigns.
I think these books are worth revisiting, even if just for shits and giggles - Jeffrey Archer's The Prodigal Daughter and First Among Equals.
I think the new-elects should grab copies of BBC's Yes, Minister and Yes, Prime Minister DVDs and watch them. Turn the subtitles on to immediately increase your vocabulary.
I think scoring high marks in Sim City should be mandatory for town planners and town council officials. For aspiring castle-building city councillors, their practical exam should be the board game Notre Dame or the RPG Civilizations / Command and Conquer.
I think 4 years would be a good time to start doing some soul-searching.

I think it's time for me to get me an ashtray.
I think it's a good time to change to Marlboro Lights.
Oh, yeah.

I'll bring you along when you're older

After their grandmother died, their mum would go out on her bike every day, once a day. He'd ask her where she went when she returned. She told him that she went out to visit a friend. He would ask her to take him along and every time she would tell him that she'll bring him along when he got older. One day, she brought him along on her bike ride. What a long ride it was. The road was winding and all, through rubber estate and such. Then he saw the lane clearing to their grandmother's cemetary. Her plot was draped with beautiful flowers. So that was their mother's destination, every day, for a year. He was 9 years old then.

Chris and his brothers were on their way back home after they had chosen the plot for their mum's burial when he told them the story. Only then he could cry.

Rest in peace, Mrs Kok.

Let's dance

"We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance." - Japanese proverb

I was researching quotes and articles focusing on positive attitude and change, and I found that one. Reading it brought a smile on my face. Wanna know why? It reminded me of a picture I had in my mind. You can see this picture too! Picture it with me; it's Starbucks in the evening. There are a few people in the cafe. Some working on their laptops, some reading, some chatting with friends. All relaxing, nursing a Starbucks beverage in their hands. Customary in any Starbucks cafe, music would be playing in the background. This time, some island acoustic tune is playing. Makes you think of a backdrop of swaying palm trees and hammocks, neh? Now, to this picture of Starbucks cafe that you have in your mind, add to it a few girls in Hawaiian hula grass skirts, gently moving their hips and arms to the rhythm of the music.

Did I see this in Starbucks that one evening? NOPE. What I saw was everything else, except for the girls in the grass skirts. The cafe's patrons were all doing what they were doing, as always. It wasn't a busy night in the cafe then. But what if, though? What if, a few patrons just decided to stand up and sway near their tables, in appreciation of the gentle acoustic guitar, strumming in the background? Would the staff come out from behind their counter and stop them? Would people walking along the corridor outside the cafe stop and stare? Point their fingers at the crazy people and snicker? I'm not sure. I'm not that brave a man to venture and find out...

Aaanyway, I pointed that fact out to Chris when he came to get me. Actually, I moved my arms about my sides in what I had imagined would be a Hawaiian hula girl-style, and gestured to the music, hoping he'd put 2 and 2 together. He did. At least that got a laugh out of him. Hehe.

I will dance in my living room. I will smile even when no one's looking. And I will remember that everything's gonna be all right.

In the meantime, we are fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.

Photo of Sanada-san provided by japan-zone.com

Valuable advice, indeed

I was at zenhabits.net and saw that Leo was having a 100-questions extravaganza. I jumped at the opportunity to get his feedback on something that was on my mind. Below is my question, and Leo's prompt response.
***************

Faz asked: “What’s your advice to someone who’s on her journey to find her true voice and her true self?”

Man, you guys aren’t asking easy ones! There is no right answer here, but here goes:

Listen, experiment, be bold.

Listen, because it’s only when we find quiet in our lives and can get away from the din of the world that we can actually hear our inner voice.

Experiment, because you’ll never know what you’re going to love until you try it. Do a variety of things until you’ve found your passion — or one of your passions, at least.

Be bold, because fear is what stops us from finding our calling, our love, ourselves. Don’t let fear stop you. Laugh in the face of that fear, and be bold.

Good luck Faz! You’re on a wonderful journey.

*****************
And indeed - I believe it too. I AM on a wonderful journey. Thanks, Leo.

Discover Italia!

For quite some time now, I have been fascinated by Italy. The food, naturally, the language, the history, the ruins, the people, the climate, the geography, the architecture - the list is almost endless.

Today's chautauqua is about the importance of having dreams. I feel lifted whenever I think of myself going off to discover a new destination. For the last few years however, I've let the nature of my 3-year work in a German MNC ruin my own vision. During that time, I traveled like nobody's business. I would jet from one time zone to another, and I enjoyed it. At the end though, I associated all traveling with work, and I crippled myself. I couldnt look out the hotel window and think fun thoughts. I would only work, work, work and rush home as soon as I finish my programs, tiring myself out unnecessarily.

No more! I will dare to dream now. I will remember how I planned my first few trips by myself, discovering new cities. I will focus on the joy of having the whole day unplanned - in fact, that WAS the plan - to plan the day as I go along! I will wake up without the alarm clock and do what I want. If I happen to enjoy doing the same thing every morning, I will do just that. I will just be.

And now I will go discover Italia. Prego!

*photo courtesy of www.discoveritaly.com

What am I attracting again?

After a couple of weeks of posting non-chautauqua thoughts, I thought I'd come back on track with one about awareness of one's conscious and sub-conscious decisions - in particular, being aware of the voices in one's head.

A few Mondays ago, I was happily walking from the carpark to my client's office. Note the key phrase 'happily' here ya? While attempting to cross a lane, I accidently twisted and sprained my left ankle pretty bad. After a sharp pain, I continued walking. I had thought then that it was one of my somewhat normal occurence of 'weak-ankling'. However, it's already my third Monday today, and that ankle still hurts something bad. I've been curious about this for a long time now. Why the heck am I still hurting my ankle? What is my secondary gain for getting this injury again and again? Did I make a subconscious decision that people will take care of me more and pay attention to me if I continuously be sick and limp all over the place? I know for fact that I dont do that anymore. I know that the people who care about me just care about me and I dont need to put myself in 'victim mode' to feel loved. I am loved and I'm grateful that I am.

Remembering the Law of Attraction brought my attention to an article by the guy who wrote the book, Michael J Losier (he's coming to Malaysia; I saw a poster with that info in front of Borders Curve earlier this evening - go ahead and Google him). There's this one that mentioned common reasons why you are attracting what you DON’T want. Among them are: Using Don’t, Not and No, Observing What You DON’T want, Limited Beliefs and Talking about what you don’t want. There you go. This is based on the debate that when you send out negative vibes, you attract negative stuff to happen to you. Am I willing my ankle to NOT get better? Aghhhh!!

However, as I'm writing this, I realise something. Aiyoh - must I analyse everything? I was walking too fast probably, at the time, and as I was wearing shoes that I was comfortable with, I probably was not walking carefully enough. That, and I wanted to hurry to get to my client. So I got careless and did not see the unevenness of the lane. So I tripped and sprained my ankle. So what. I'll wear ankle brace, stop doing bodystep class and alternate between steaming and icing it, and I'll be fine. I'll just be more careful next time.

Sometimes, we humans think too damn much.