When life puts you in an empty coach, make pictures!

district 9 and a half, originally uploaded by faz k.

All right - perhaps a rather lame attempt at that 'making lemonade from the lemons life gave you' line, but what the heck - I think you know what I mean ;)

Of course it's tough making your way along this world by yourself. We smile and nod when people tell us to 'chin up - you're never alone' yet wish sometimes they don't say these things. They mean well, and so do we when we find ourselves saying the same things to others.

I'm sure you've seen or at least heard of the slideshow that likens this life to a train journey. You get people come on board and sit with you in your train coach. They get off at their stops & other people board the train and join you. There are stretches of that journey when you're by yourself. That's ok. That's the 'me' time that you can use to hold a mirror up to see deep inside you. Have you been good travel companions? Have you shown interest in your travel buddy's journey? How much have you listened to the stories from other people in your train coach? Has it been a good trip from them too? Sure, you poke them a bit when their snores get too loud (it's an overnight train) but do you get rattled when they prod you because your snoring kept them awake some other nights?

When you're done looking into the mirror, put it down and look out the window. There's still a whole wide world out there to see. Your train's still on track, chugging along. Enjoy the trip, and make pictures as you go along. They're your memories.

Pic info: taken with my James (EOS 500D), 1/125sec, f4.0, 18mm focal length on my 18-55mm kit lens, ISO 200.

Get personal, just don't take it personally.

IMG_0820, originally uploaded by faz k.

I shot this self-portrait 9 days after I got my EOS 500D, James.

Looking at this photo, I found it funny how the only time I can look directly into the camera lens is when a part of my face is covered. This brings me to an apprehension that impacts my choice of photograpy subjects. I tell myself that I prefer inanimate objects instead of humans. One day, my subconscious mind asked back, "what is it about humans that make you avoid them as subjects?"

I allowed my mind to answer, and the revelation surprised me with its honesty. It was a deep-seated feeling that I never belonged anywhere, with anyone. As a child, I looked different from my cousins, and I believed it when my mother implied that I lack grace; very much like a bull in a china shop. I had been a chit-chatty little girl, until I was admonished with "little childen should be seen & not heard". I hid in closets & cupboards, scribbling in my note book conducting conversations in my head where everyone around me would pay rapt attention to what I said. In my teens, my mother reminded me many times that the appropriate time for me to join a conversation would be when I have my own family.

I realise now how this has impacted me as an adult. I was slow to suggest or give opinions for fear of being rejected, not included, and ridiculed. I agreed with the majority even though personally I know there was a better solution. I also shied away from portraiture photography because I convinced myself that I'd just be intruding the potential subjects. I had masked my fear of connecting with a warped sense of reality that I preffered buildings to people.

I realise that now, and have been moving forward since 2 years ago, post NLP certification, when I achieved breakthrough. And now, I'm ready to be more aware of the beauty of moving forward and explore. More specifically, to explore the interesting world of portraiture photography. My beloved buildings can wait :-)

Picture taken 9 June '09, EOS 500D 18-55mm kit lens, f/5.6, 1/4sec, ISO1600, focal length 49mm.

When does getting up close become getting too close?

Do these come from a real peacock?, originally uploaded by faz k.

It took me a while to digest the 'get too close to the trees and you can't see the forest' saying. While acknowledging the idea in that saying, I am aware that I do need to get close to something to see it clearer. Like in photography, for instance - Robert Capa said, 'if your photos are not good enough, you're not close enough' - or something close to that.

I think we just need to recognize the point where getting up close equals getting too close. Because, even in making pictures, we need to fill the frame. However, if we keep on zooming in, there's a point where we can't see anything but a blur. That's when we zoom out a little, and then we'd see the picture that we need to make. Or the action we need to take in order to get the best result.

Photography. Very much like creating solutions for issues in other aspects of life too, no?

Picture taken with my Canon PowerShot SX100 IS, 1/8 sec, f/3.5, focal length 14.4mm, ISO 80.

Sweet dreams are made of these

_MG_3779, originally uploaded by Faz K PSPJ.

The sampan was made by hand and transported from Pulau Duyung, Terengganu, the announcer said.

Putrajaya was bursting with colors during Floria 2009. I took this shot on late Saturday afternoon. It was still very hot and bright, even though the long shadows showed me that it was close to sunset. I was at the foot of the Millenium Monument and turned around towards the lake. The whispering leaves of the trees welcomed me. I immediately sat down on the lush green grass and felt calmer, cooler. I wanted to capture the dreamy feeling I had, so I decided to use the tree branches to frame the small boat. It took me 12-13 frames to make sure that I got the boat where I wanted it to be. And now, I can look at this photo and transport myself back to that moment on a late Saturday afternoon where I was in my own little world, right there in the shade of the trees by the Putrajaya lake.

Photo details: taken with the EOS 500D on AV mode, 1/500sec, f/4.5, 25mm focal length, ISO 100, +2 EV

Even I think things have gone too far, Pt 1

IMG_3745, originally uploaded by Faz K projects.

Dalam satu video baru-baru ini, seorang menteri:
- mempertahankan kemungkinan ada ikhtiar penapisan internet
- memaklumkan beliau hanya akan menjawab soalan tentang Merdeka 52 tahun sahaja
- menegaskan tidak akan ada tolak-ansur dalam memastikan pornografi kanak-kanak sifar

Dalam video ini, seorang menteri menjegilkan matanya sambil menggunakan nada suara yang sinis, menegur seorang wartawan yang menggunakan bahasa Inggeris dalam soalannya. Kesima aku. Sungguh tak sangka seorang menteri yang aku pernah hormati waktu kanak-kanak mengendalikan sidang akhbarnya sebegitu rupa. Sombongnya dia. "where were you educated? can't speak bahasa at all", "chakap oreang putey"... berjayakah pendekatan begini menimbulkan rasa hormat terhadapnya dan maklumat yang disampaikan? Hampas yang amat menghampakan. Kalau dia nak wartawan tu rasa segan, mungkin teguran secara lembut dapat menyampaikan maksud yang tersirat dengan lebih baik, kesan yang lebih mendalam. Contohnya: "Bukankah kita dalam sidang akhbar promosi Merdeka 52? Marilah kita gunakan bahasa kebangsaan hari ini.." Tak payah jegil-jegil mata, ya tidak?

Aku belajar dalam negeri. Dari St Teresa's Kindergarten Kuala Terengganu sampailah ke Universiti Utara Malaysia Sintok. Aku selesa berbahasa Inggeris - mak ayah aku dah biasa berbahasa Inggeris, Kebangsaan, loghat Kelantan, Terengganu, Pahang, Batak (bapak aku lah) dan semua itu dengan harapan anak-anak mereka mampu bercakap untuk minta tolong kalau sesat di tempat orang - tak semua orang tahu loghat Terengganu, mak aku ajar masa aku belum akil baligh dulu.

Mujur mak ayah aku ajar kami sebaik mungkin. Kalau tak, aku mungkin jadi macam beberapa lepasan Universiti tempatan di lokasi sedikit luar Lembah Kelang yang bukan berasaskan pertanian yang duduk letaknya dekat-dekat rumah bapak saudara aku tak jauh dari hutan simpan Bangi. Aku pernah temuduga budak-budak lepasan U ini masa aku 'berkecimpung' (bergelumang sebenarnya) dalam dunia HR beberapa tahun lepas. Aku semak semua jawapan. Secara bertulis dalam borang yang bukan dalam bahasa kebangsaan tu - tak menjawab soalan. Secara lisan? Malang. Koyak rabak ayat dan perenggan masing-masing. Daripada geram aku rasa macam nak tempeleng depa, aku terus jadi tak sampai hati. Waktu aku tengok muka graduan-graduan tu, aku seakan boleh dengar dalam batu jemala tu bunyi enjin - dengar bahasa inggeris perempuan ni cakap-terjemah dalam bahasa kebangsaan-terjemah balik dalam bahasa inggeris-buka mulut-jawab. Sakit, aku rasa, duduk dalam bilik temuduga dengan aku. Aku tengok muka depa berkerut-kerut pun aku rasa sakit.

Mungkin aku ni emosi sangat. Mungkin aku patut ucap tahniah kepada menteri ni. Nak sangat semua orang fasih berbahasa kebangsaan. Nah, ambik. Berkoyan-koyan lepasan universiti tempatan sekarang tidak berbahasa Inggeris. Tidak mampu? Tidak diajar? Tidak pandai? Lebih mendaulatkan bahasa kebangsaan? Tepuk dada tanya selera.

Mendidih jugak darah aku, membuak-buak, waktu tengok video ini. Kemudian aku terkenang cikgu-cikgi yang berhempas-pulas ajar aku dari masa aku 4 tahun ikat rambut tocang dua sampai lah dewasa andartu sekarang ni. Kalau tak sebab depa bertungkus lumus pastikan aku faham semua bahasa yang depa ajar aku, tak boleh lah aku 'menjawab' masa konsultan mat saleh perli sahabat sekerja aku yang sama-sama baru macam aku masa aku mula-mula kerja dulu sambil sahabat aku tu terkebil-kebil macam ayam berak kapur. Tak bolehlah aku jawab balik mangkuk yang kutuk aku dalam bahasa jerman dalam keretapi masa aku assignment kat Munich dulu. Tak bolehlah aku tangkis ejekan staf hotel masa aku kerja kat Beijing beberapa tahun dulu.

Memang bahasa kebangsaan sangat penting. Sebahagian dari jiwa kita. Kita rakyat Malaysia; aku pun meluat beruk kalau ada cerita orang-orang yang tak pandai berbahasa kebangsaan tambah lagi kalau orang tu macam aku, ada cop 'rubber stamp' dalam paspot antarabangsa sejak kerja saja, bukan sejak masa belajar. Pokoknya, SEMUA BAHASA penting. Sudah tentu termasuk bahasa isyarat dan Braille, terutama kepada pihak yang memerlukannya.

Pada aku, keupayaan untuk berkomunikasi dengan lancar lebih penting. Dalam apa bahasa yang perlu sekalipun. Mendaulatkan bahasa kebangsaan tidak sepatutnya bermakna bahasa lain diperkecilkan. Tidak sama sekali. Itu bodoh sombong namanya.

Mungkin kita semua perlu jadi bodoh sombong. Eh tak, aku rasa tak. Aku tak mau. Mak ayah dan cikgu-cikgi aku tak ajar aku macam tu.

p.s.

BTW - aku tengok dalam kamus kesima = dumbfounded. Aku kira lebih kurang macam 'gobsmacked' lah tu. OK lah ya?