Saturday, January 27, 2007

Before and after: Bag storage idea

Notes on Project Closet :-)


Before: clutter and no proper storage for my bags, jeans and bedlinen.
After: Sorted. The empty top shelf is space for bedlinen.

Homesickness cure

Whenever I travel and I get a wee bit homesick for my family, I call them. When I miss my coccoon of personal space, I look at photos of my favorite corners of my apartment and instantly feel soothed.


My shoes! To the left is my corkboard where I store my earrings and stuff

One side of my walk-in. My little slice of heaven on earth... *sigh*

A corner of my living room dedicated to me and my punching bag. I hug it first when I come in after a long day, and it's where I practice my punches and kicks when I need to work off some steam. I wish it has arms so that I can get hugged back sometimes.

It's been a long time coming, but I really am happy with how things turn out. I finally dont feel too empty, lethargic and ill after coming home from my business trips. I've also started feeling the extra value of my weekends and I look forward to coming home after work.

Before this, my bed was out in the living room, along with my working desk, armchair and bedside tables. It felt more stark than any no-star no-moon hotel room. Maybe that was how I cushioned myself to make work traveling more tolerable. Sure, the 5- and 4-star hotels are lovely. Being the program manager, I always am given the higher end rooms, the club floors, the executive harborview rooms etc. In fact, the Kowloon Shangri-La one that I was in during the Hong Kong workshop in 2004 was half the size of my apartment. The bathroom alone was bigger than my bedroom! I didnt dare talk to anyone about how disconcerted I felt. To my ears even, I sounded ungrateful. I didnt dare to have my friends tell me that they'd give anything to have a job like mine. I sound like I'm whining if I tell them how lonely it gets. How I need to be on top of things all the time and it's not ethical for me to just take off during the day and plan a trip to Lantau Island to see the big Buddha statue. How wandering alone by myself was just not doing it for me. And how calling up friends or colleagues in a foreign city just doesnt work for me anymore because I feel uneasy having them feel that they need to plan some weekend agenda for me since I was in the country.

The last 2 weeks of 2006 was spent on vacation from work. I rearranged my furniture, got rid of a ot of clutter, put a rug in the living room with throw cushions, added a table lamp or two, and claimed my own personal space again. I dont need that much stuff, it turned out. No added furniture. No clutter. What I have is enough.

Yeah - things are not too bad at all :-)


Thursday, January 25, 2007

Myers-Briggs Tpe Indicator-ed, pt 2

p.s.

I passed the exam!! I am now an internationally accredited MBTI practitioner. That means I am now allowed to purchase restricted MBTI materials, administer the tool in the correct settings, and interpret the results to clients in one-on-one sessions or in an interactive group session.

Interestingly enough, the statistics part of the program relaxed me. I enjoyed the theory and idea behind them, and I loved learning about it. The construction of the tool was the one that I need to study more to enhance my understanding.

I'm very grateful. And very happy. My gift to myself this year - the gift of learning.

Good on ya, girl.

Leaving on a jet plane

"All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go..."

At least that's how the song went, if I'm not mistaken. Finally, the time has come to leave. What happens when you lose your interest and motivation in your job? You've been doing the same thing for 3 years and due to turbulent organizational changes, you had had to take extra management responsibility when your manager left. Not only you have to establish instant authority and credibility in front of your internal clients, who turn instantly into packs of crazy hyenas - more loud and scavenging than any external clients imaginable - you also need to work totally independantly. Your headquarters unit, halfway across the world from you, totally forgot that they were still paying some paltry salary to a staff member here in the Asia region. 3 years after that world-shaking event, headquarters finally got shaken and stirred more than Bond's vodka martini, and as the heads roll off at the guilliotine, they suddenly remember you. They now have an easier job for you. You no longer need to assume management responsibility. You now will report to a Tom in China, and while you both report to a Dick in Europe, you yourself need to report to a local Harry a few floors above you, who's totally clueless about what you do, by the way.

You lose interest. The challenge in your work is gone. You force yourself to slog on the best you can until it takes a toll on your health. Your neck gets stiff (and not because you swallowed a Viagra and it got stuck there), you're down with flu every goddamn day, and you get abdominal cramps even when it's not THAT time of the month. You enjoy traveling, but an opportunity to meet the team in an exotic European city somehow didi not appeal to you. You freeze, and the toothache came. When you schedule for a wisdom tooth surgery that just prevents you from traveling to another lovely continent for a meeting, I suggest you look deep into your soul to find out what are your preferences in life.

So you talk to your team leader who flies down to your office to meet you. You seek guidance. You two talk, then the Tom walks up to consult the Harry sitting a few floors up. Then you get summoned to the throne room and the local Harry (or Harriette), facial hair bristling, tells you that since you've lost your motivation and inspiration to continue with this work that's so bloody easier and less challenging than what you did before she just couldnt understand what you're looking for, it's best that you resign. There's no way you and the organization can continue together.

What do you do? Beg for another opportunity to redeem yourself?

I didnt. I just nodded and agreed to resign. My letter will be on her desk on Jan 31. Later, Tom came down to my office and told me that they discussed an amount to pay me since they were the ones who asked me to resign. Whatever. I'm just tired. I'm tired of fighting. I dont feel the joy in fighting for every little scrap of task that I want to do because they were not originally delegated to me. I'm sick of it. I want my manager to do some work too. Identify my potential. Work with me to find out my interests and allocate tasks that motivate me into positive action. Things like that, you know? Sometimes, the best strategy to fight is to look deep and choose your battles. I have chosen mine and this is not it. The statement that the local boss made just trule demonstrated the senility and cluelessness that filled the head with cotton wool between the left and the right ears.

And tomorrow, I'll spend lunchtime in RedBox to belt out Air Supply and John Denver songs. The first will be "Leaving on a Jet Plane".

For now, it's bedtime.

It's good to be home

Finally I am home.

It felt good to touch down in KLIA yesterday afternoon. Me and my stiff neck are just not game enough to travel any more. The moment I got on the aircraft, I inflated my travel pillow. I then promptly fell asleep a few minutes after the inflight safety instruction video finished. Afiq teased me about my pillow when he saw me packing it into my handbag. "It's just a 40min flight- you dont need a travel pillow!" I didnt care - my poor neck and shoulders have suffered a lot from the seats.

Gym class tonight. There's also this singles nite thing in Bangsar to which I was invited. I coud go, after gym class. I still remember the last time I joined this mix and mingle event; I said hello to a few people and then I sat quietly in the comfy sofa, sipping my drink. It was fun watching people though. If I could drag 2 more friends to go with me then we get free entry.

Hm. Maybe. Why not.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Type indicator-ed

In Singapore now - in the middle of my training to achieve international accreditation to administer the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator tool and interpret the results. What an awesome tool to help improve profit and team effectiveness. And the key gift of MBTI is of course - to help you understand yourself and have a better idea of why you do the things you do and say. Awesome. Did the exam today. Worked out the math - we will pass it if we do not get more than 16 questions wrong.

Agghhh....

I miss home. I miss my gym classes. I miss my punching bag in my living room. I miss my rug. I miss my bed. I miss my friends. I miss my mom and dad. I miss Awang, Intan, Kak Lah and my two nieces. I miss Mawaddah.

I miss my space and the people who make my life sweet.

I'll be home on Wednesday afternoon!!! Cant wait.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

The year that was mine

What a year 2006 was.

For me, it was a roller coaster ride. More roller-coaster-y than 2005, for sure.

January saw me in Munich, meeting other Learning n Development Managers from Europe, Americas and a couple of HR managers from the Dubai and China offices. Met the big boss for the first time. Connected also with the man who would eventually become MY manager, Georg. Munich was beatiful in Winter. Sat through a video on Dianetics at the Scientology center. Bought the book - still havent read it :-)

February was the beginning of my search for a new job within my current organization. Lots of emails and phone calls followed. I participated in a Cha no yu for the first time. What an enlightening experience, that Japanese tea ceremony. I've posted my thoughts on that here


March had me traveling again - to Saigon. Interesting city. Opened up to someone for the first time tha I can remember. He picked up on my remark when I said to him that I'd lost my spirit and enjoyment in my job and gently urged me to talk about it, rather than continue keeping things bottled up. It led to a very memorable night. One of the keys to how I saw things and experienced 2006, actually.

April brought me to Singapore. Celebrated my birthday in a training program. Experienced the first of my many bouts of coughs and chest infections that led to Bronchitis. Choked on a huge mother of a lozenge while alone one evening in my hotel room. Fucking scary it was - I felt the thing lodged in my throat, poured water down my throat to wash it down and the water just trickled out of my mouth! I started pounding my own chest like my life depended on it (wait a tic - actually, it did) and the lozenge flew out and fell on the floor in front of me. Funny? Not really. I cried after that, thinking that if I had totally choked on it and died, no one would find out until Thursday evening's group graduation dinner.

May brought me new work. I'd be doing what I normally do, but in a new division. It saw me traveling to Bangkok a couple of times, discussed work details with my new boss, who joined a meeting there. An OK beginning. The month also saw my first experience with a tailor. They did a perfect job. Worth every sen. I wear the suits and shirts to death, and they still look respectable and brand-new. Definitely recommend them to my anyone. I learned more about myself than about anything else throughout this. I had to really be clear about what I want, what I needed, and make tough decisions - should I go for the more expensive fabric that had the right combo of durability, comfort and good looks? Or follow my original budget? I had to ask myself difficult questions: what to sacrifice in order to spend a bit more for the suits? What decisions do I let the tailor make for me? Which ones do I have a say on, no questions asked? I learnt how to listen to customers and asking the right questions. It was more than a day at the tailor for me.

June saw me resuming my romance with Bangkok and Muay Thai training. I was glad to be able to resume training on Thai Kickboxing, even though my legs got pretty busted and scarred from all the kicking drills. Thank goodness for the invention of panty hose - good cover up. Met up with friends who were vacationing, joined them, and had great fun. Love the city. The architecture. The train systems. Chatuchak weekend market. More importantly, DOC. The month also saw me giving myself a personal stretch goal for the first time. 16 hours of GX classes for charity. Miracle event at the gym. I never thought I could last but I did. I really felt I achieved something then. I began to feel that I was finally worth of my own approval.

July was when I landed in Phuket again for another training workshop to run. It was the first (and the last, looks like) time we ran a workshop in full sports gear. We used the lush grounds of the hotel as much as the lovely meeting rooms. Great value for money. They gave me the villa again - but I was feeling restless inside. Kept on thinking and feeling how great the villa would be if I had someone special to share it with. To come home to.

The only thing I remember about August was DOC - contacting me for the first time after Bangkok. We never promised to keep in touch, so it came as a pleasant surprise.

September/October was work, work, work. Was in Munich for a month for a get-to-know-the new team assignment. Strangely, for the first time I question my purpose to be here. To be in this field. To remain in the area of training and development. I felt lost. Confused. Thrown off balance. DOC flew to Munich to spend a weekend with me. We didnt do much - no day trips to Ludwig's castle or anything like that - just a walk in the English Gardens and lunch in Marienplatsz, dinners in the lovely little Italian restaurant on the ground floor of the hotel and lazing around on the couch and in bed watching CNN and BBC (the only channels that were not in Deutsch). We talked a lot. We sat together quietly a lot too. For the first time also I start to ask myself what do I really want in my life and what will I do about it.

November was Hong Kong. It was the graduation dinner of the final management development group; it was the evening where I wore my skirt as a dress cos it got too big and tent-like. It saw me decked out in an LBD and a bit of makeup and simple jewelery, with black stockings and 3" heels. I never knew I could 'do' sexy! *LOL* But if P can be believed, apparently I pulled it off....

December was finally, a relaxed month. I truly enjoyed the 2 weeks I was away from the office. I went to the gym, chilled out, gave my apartment a good fixer-upper, and turned it into my sanctuary. A place I call home. DOC's advice was a good one - mood lighting is necessary to create the right ambience. Christmastime saw a few parties and dates. Met EF - charming and cheeky. Seriously - physical attraction was there. I was surprised - I never thought a man would be physically attracted to me. Never happened before, when I 25kgs heavier that's for sure. And DS - such love and devotion to his woman. I learned a lesson here on how having clarity of vision and how envy would bring me nowhere. Instead of moaning and groaning of how unfair the world is treating singles like me, I decided to be objective, and took a small risk. To never lose hope and faith in love and connection between 2 human beings that create such warmth and tenderness and joy. That helped me be very clear with what I wanted for that one evening. I needed comfort from a friend and DS was there to provide it; bless his soul.

It's January 2007 now, and already I need to put my plan into gear. First, time to get my career on track. Take some risks. Make new friends. Expand my horizons. And live. It's time to live.