Trampled, maybe. Hurt, absolutely. Moving on, most definitely.

fallen hero, originally uploaded by faz k.

I knocked on your heart's door
Asking you to let me in
You opened it only to spit in my face and stick a knife in my chest -
To make sure I never come back.
Later, you look out and see me as I struggle to my feet -
And you call out to me, "How are you?"

Cruelty, thy name is the human male.


Picture details: shot at the National Monument using my point&shoot Canon PowerShot SX100IS. f/4.0, 1/200sec, focal length: 6.7 mm, ISO 100.

Yeah. What Randy said.

Sometimes, borrowing other people's words help to explain more clearly what I mean. Today, I will borrow Dr Randy Pausch's words, from his book, The Last Lecture.

"The questions are always more important than the answers."

That's so true - because I believe the best answers are the ones that hits you between the eyes like a hockey puck although not as hazardous; stuff that you realise yourself. I tend to answer questions by asking questions, especially at work. I love to see the A-HA! moment when the realisation dawns on people's faces that they have found a great potential solution to their issue. The ownership is there, and after the eureka moment, there's a spring to their step as they go off to tackle their to-do-list monster.

There are also the people I work with who do not respond well to this approach. Then I will see their face redden a little while they furrow their eyebrows and roll their eyes. Stop being too pedantic, they tell me. Just give a straight answer, they say. When I can, I do. When I see a good opportunity to learn by teaching and exploring together, I'll go it my way.

"Fundamentals, fundamentals, fundamentals. You’ve got to get the fundamentals down because otherwise the fancy stuff isn’t going to work."

Many times I struggled with things because I didn't see the big picture. Didn't ask the question behind the question. Didn't have my own EUREKA! moment of the general idea before rushing off to plan activities and take actions. Remembering Randy's statement here calms me. I have renewed strength in my decisions that relate to this statement. Like not buying a DSLR within the next 60 days because I'm just having too much time learning the fundamentals on my Powershot SX100 point-and-shooter.

However, there are times when I confess I may have deliberated too much because of a skewed perception of what forms fundamentals. Sometimes I don't see the line between analysis paralysis and I then end up not doing the nike (read: just do it). I don't have many regrets, but there are at least 2 actions that I should have taken within the last 24 hours that would have put me on a different path than where I am right at this moment. But no. I mistakenly thought I was still in data-gathering mode that will end once I feel I have enough to grasp the fundamentals. I forgot that data-gathering mode is a continuous process in most cases. And now, I'll never know what could have been, and perhaps I never will.

"My colleague told me: "It took a long time, but I finally figured it out. When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do."

This one's funny. Funny weird and funny ha-ha. I just have one important thing to mention here. Based on what I've experienced, no matter how much their words appear to contradict their actions, they'll still find a way to tell you that they don't really mean what they did, it's what they say that matters. And no amount of crying will change that.

"When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you."

Can you give up on someone permanently, though?

"Find the best in everybody. Wait long enough, and people will surprise and impress you. It might even take years, but people will show you their good side. Just keep waiting."

I thought I could do that. I didn't realise the cost of waiting. Maybe someone should write about that.

"The key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have and you may find one day that you have less than you think."

I know I said I'd wait. I didn't know that it's so easy to get comfortable with the routine and some would never come round to realising that what they're looking for is right there, in front of them. My bags are packed and I am ready to take off on the next part of the journey. If you don't feel that it's worth your time to take the initiative and just touch the sky with me, then so be it.

So be it.

Randy Pausch dies

-Randy Pausch Inspired Millions-

Randy Pausch, the professor at Carnegie Mellon University who inspired countless students in the classroom and others worldwide through his highly acclaimed last lecture, has died of complications from pancreatic cancer. He was 47.

Also a Carnegie Mellon alumnus, Pausch co-founded the Entertainment Technology Center and led researchers who created Alice, a revolutionary way to teach computer programming. He was widely respected in academic circles for a unique interdisciplinary approach, bringing together artists, dramatists and designers to break new ground by working in collaboration with computer scientists.

Outside the classroom, he gained public fame for delivering what would come to be known as "The Last Lecture." On Sept. 18, 2007, only a month after doctors told him that he had three-to-six months to live following a recurrence of pancreatic cancer, he presented a lecture called "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams" to a packed auditorium at Carnegie Mellon.

The moving and often humorous talk recounted his efforts to achieve such childhood dreams as becoming a professional football player, experiencing zero gravity and developing Disney World attractions. In the process, he shared his insights on finding the good in other people, working hard to overcome obstacles and living generously.

Read the rest of the article on Carnegie Mellon homepage stories HERE.


I have the book. I remember almost leaving it at the cashier counter when the staff there mentioned that her friend had told her 'people were saying it was like the new kind of The Secret," because I figured I didn't need another one of those 'attract it and it will come' manuals.

I got to reading it after a few weeks. The feeling was like sitting with your friend who had just being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and he's telling you all this stuff while you sit together on deck chairs, looking out to the sunset or sunrise or something like that. What I remember most is how he gave new life to the cliche 'running into the the brick wall. He said, "The brick walls are there for a reason. Right? The brick walls are not there to keep us out, the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough," Think about that. How many brick walls have we faced? What did we do when we run into one? How many times have WE become brick walls ourselves?

Right now, my heart aches. Not so much because of reading the sad news, but strangely enough, there's an ache in my chest when I realize that the deaths of people not related to me have moved me more than the loss of my own family members. I dare not imagine the reason why. In the meantime, I will finish reading the Last Lecture tonight. There's only a little bit more to go.

Goodbye, Dr. Pausch. May flights of angels sing you to your rest.

One man army down

Wednesday June 25, 2008

Eric Chia dies of heart attack

By V. CHANDRASEKARAN

SUNGAI PETANI: Former Perwaja Steel managing director Tan Sri Eric Chia Eng Hock died of a heart attack at his Park Avenue Hotel yesterday. He was 74.

A maid called for help after Chia failed to respond when she tried to wake him up at 9am.

The hotel's panel doctor confirmed that the tycoon had died of a heart attack.

**************
Read more from The Star http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/6/25/nation/21651121&sec=nation


I was in the middle of writing Module 2 when I saw this news online yesterday afternoon. In June 2007, he was acquitted in the KL Sessions Court of committing criminal breach of trust 14 years ago. I was struck by his statement when the acquittal was announced. He told the press that the vindication came too late. He had already lost his family and was estranged from his children because the shame of the court case.

When I was a junior in UUM, I was part of the educational trip planned by the Management Executive Club (MEC). One of our stops was Perwaja Steel in my hometown state of Terengganu. We aimed to see the Big Kahuna of course, but we had been told earlier that regretfully, he would not be able to join us due to schedule conflict. We were welcomed warmly by senior managers of Perwaja Steel, who briefed us on the company and on their work. When I asked those 2 gentlemen about their experience working with the Tan Sri, their faces took on a different expression, like someone talking about their favorite uncle. They told me how he not only cared about the employees, but also about their families. They told me about the housing complex, the working and living environment, and how he accepted everyone the way there are. Race difference? WHAT race difference? All work for the same company, nationals of the same country, yes? Yes.

Then came the surprise. The Big Kahuna arrived! The helicopter landed and he joined us. Were we awed? You bet your bottom Ringgit we were. I watched the senior managers' faces, plus a few junior managers that walked in to join the session - they all looked relaxed, pleased to see their big boss. Quite different from the look of a boot-licker, I had noted. He welcomed us warmly and ushered us to our tea and kuih. Some wisecracking senior from our team pointed out to the Tan Sri that we also had a Terengganu-an in our midst (that would be me, of course) and the Tan Sri asked me their names and what my parents did. I told him they worked in KT general hospital. He then joked that he needed medication for his sore throat. I replied, perhaps out of nervousness until I forgot to put a clamp on my mouth - "Just go look for my parents in the GH and tell them I sent you. They'll help you right away!" Yep - I was indeed amusing in my youth.

Privately, I had asked him for advice. What would work best for us when we jump into the dog-eat-dog world after graduation? He looked at me and told me this: "My dear, you need to care about the people who work with you and care about your work. Just care." Noticing how we could chat easily, the same wise-cracking senior labeled me "anak angkat Eric Chia" until long after we returned from that trip. I didn't mind.

Regardless of what he was accused of, I choose to remember the late Tan Sri Eric Chia's warm, booming laugh. A happy man who loved his work and cared about the people who worked with him.

Farewell, sir.

I'll bring you along when you're older

After their grandmother died, their mum would go out on her bike every day, once a day. He'd ask her where she went when she returned. She told him that she went out to visit a friend. He would ask her to take him along and every time she would tell him that she'll bring him along when he got older. One day, she brought him along on her bike ride. What a long ride it was. The road was winding and all, through rubber estate and such. Then he saw the lane clearing to their grandmother's cemetary. Her plot was draped with beautiful flowers. So that was their mother's destination, every day, for a year. He was 9 years old then.

Chris and his brothers were on their way back home after they had chosen the plot for their mum's burial when he told them the story. Only then he could cry.

Rest in peace, Mrs Kok.

Gram better be in heaven now or else all this talk about faith is just a bunch of organized religion bollocks. So there.